


Just You

by homiegdawggirl



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Lemon, Love, Music, Older Woman/Younger Man, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-27 12:58:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13881348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homiegdawggirl/pseuds/homiegdawggirl
Summary: Laney is a newly single mother of two who needs some work done around the house. Her best friend suggest her neighbor's son, home from college for the summer and looking for work. But there is no way for Laney to prepare for the things she will feel when Shawn is determined to have her. Can Shawn convince her they belong together? Or will she push him away for good? Fluff with a little relationship drama.Sequel in the making





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know Shawn Mendes. I'm sure there are a million stories out there like this but this is my version. I can't seem to get away from fluffier pieces. I don't really know how many chapters this will be at the moment. Also I don't have a title as you can see. If you can think of one let me know and I might use it. Crediting whomever of course. I don't know when I will be updating. If I get comments and kudos, that will speed up the process! All mistakes are mine. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know Shawn Mendes. I'm sure there are a million stories out there like this but this is my version. I can't seem to get away from fluffier pieces. I don't really know how many chapters this will be at the moment. Also I don't have a title as you can see. If you can think of one let me know and I might use it. Crediting whomever of course. I don't know when I will be updating. If I get comments and kudos, that will speed up the process! All mistakes are mine. Enjoy.
> 
> Update: I seriously need a beta. I thought I'd go back and reread what I've written and was horrified. If I came along this story I'd have been so turned off. So I went over it again and made some changes. 3/13/18

“I really need someone to fix that wall the kids punch a hole through. The lawn needs to be mowed. I can’t start that damn lawn mower to save my life. The gutters need to be cleaned. It’s just a never ending list of things I can’t really do without at least a little help. If the kids were bigger I could have them help with things like holding the latter while I clean the gutters but I do not trust a seven and five year old to do that,” I complain to my best friend, Page.

 

She looks at me and rolls her eyes. “You and Ethan divorced three months ago and he has been out of the house for six months. Why haven’t you figured this shit out already?” she asks me with a look of confusion.

 

I shrug my shoulders and grip the coffee cup in my hands tighter. “He was still coming over and handling most of it,” I explain. “Then he started dating again and hasn’t offered to help anymore. And I’m not about to ask him.”

 

Page rolls her eyes as she takes a drink of her coffee. As she lowers the cup back to the kitchen island between us she says what I already know. “You need to just do it. Figure it out as you go if you have too. Google it, YouTube it or whatever you have to do. You don’t need a man to get that stuff done,” she says with a wave of her hands.

 

I laugh, “I actually did YouTube ‘how to start a lawnmower’ last night. I was about half way through the first video when I remember Ethan mentioning our stupid lawnmower had a mind of its own and you have to do something with the spark plugs or the filter or something to get it to start on for more than two seconds. I can’t remember. I quit listen after motor oil.”

 

Page sits up straighter on her bar stool and glares at me. “You need to figure that shit out. But until then there are some new neighbors down the street. I took over some cookies and shit with the kids the other day and the woman was saying her son is home from college for the summer and looking for handy and lawn work. I can call her and give her you number,” she offers.

 

“Oh thank god. I have been having dreams of falling off the roof into ten foot tall grass trying to get a those stupid gutters cleared out,” I mutter into my mug. Page just laughs at me as I smile sheepishly.

 

“I swear, Laney, I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

The next day as I’m getting the kids’ breakfast I get a text from a number I don’t have already saved.

 

_Hey, this is Shawn. A neighbor gave me this number and said you needed some maintenance work done around your house. Give me a call if you still do. If I have the wrong number I apologize but keep me in mind if you ever need a handy man :)_

I laugh at the text and finish setting the table.

 

Once I have Holly and Hilton set, I grab my phone and my coffee and head to the living room. I open my text and hit the call button and wait for Shawn to answer.

 

“Hello,” a melodic voice answers.

 

“Hi, this is Laney. I’m calling about the maintenance work I need done,” I say.

 

“Oh. Hey Laney, I wasn’t sure if I had the right number or not. Whoever wrote the number down has horrible handwriting,” he chuckles.

 

“That was probably Page, your neighbor,” I reply.

 

“So my mom said you need some stuff done,” says the young and yet very masculine voice.

 

“Yeah, I have a few things I can’t quite take care of myself,” I tell him. “What kind of things can you do?” I ask.

 

“I can do just about anything that needs to be done around the house. My dad always took care of that kind of stuff and made me help when I was younger. I think he only did it so I could take over when he got older. If I’m home and something needs done, I’m the one to do it. I’m not sure there isn’t anything I can’t do really,” he explains. “What do you need done?”

 

“I have a wall with a head size hole in it from the kids, the gutters need to be cleaned and the lawn needs to be mowed. I’d do it myself but my ex was the one that knew how to start the damn thing. And I’m sure there is more. I can make a list,” I say.

 

Shawn laughs and assures me he can do all of that.

 

“When would you like me to start?” he asks. “I can start this afternoon, if you like.”

 

“This afternoon works,” I say. I always take the summer off to be with the kids. Thankful the doctor’s office I manage works with me. If they kids are off, so am I. I still do some computer work from home but I try to do it after the kids are in bed. Unless I get a chance to do it during the day I let it wait till then.

 

“Ok, I will be over after one, if that’s ok?” I let him know that is fine and he ask me to text him the address.

 

We say goodbye and I head back into the kitchen to see how big of a mess the kids have made while I was on the phone for five minutes.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

I’m sitting outside on the patio when I hear the door bell. It’s just after one and I know it will be Shawn. I tell the kids I’ll be right back and they ignore me as the play on their play set.

 

When I open the door I have to stop my jaw from falling. The guy in front of me is gorgeous. He has dark brown, wavy hair that hangs in his eyes. His eyes are a rich brown and his jaw is chiseled with a dimple in the middle. He is wearing a grey athletics t-shirt that hugs his broad shoulders and a pair of jeans that hang from his hips just right.

 

I blush like a teenage girl when I meet his eyes. There is no way he didn’t just see me check him out. He smiles and I see he has a dimple in one cheek. “Hi, I’m Shawn,” he says and then extends his hand.

 

I look down at it and try to figure out why he is doing that. I’m in a fog. Then I realize he is trying to shake my hand. I shake my head, trying to clear the lust from my brain as I berate myself from checking out a guy who has to be at least ten years younger than me.

 

I take his hand and almost moan when out skin makes contact. His hands are large, soft on one side and just rough enough on the other and where our skin touches I feel a tingling sensation.

 

‘ _Come on Laney! Quit acting like a horny teenager, get your shit together and say something already!_ ’ I curse at myself.

 

I swallow and say, “I’m Laney. Come in.” I roll my eyes as he steps into the house and I look at the ceiling telling myself I will not look at this young guy’s ass.

 

Once I feel like I can control my eyes, I turn around and see he is standing waiting for me to give him instruction. I smile, completely embarrassed and knowing I’m just making a complete fool of myself, and then walk toward the kitchen. I made a list earlier and left it on the counter.

 

I pick it up and turn around to hand it to him. He is a lot closer than I thought he would be, just a few feet in front of me, but it startles me and I take a step back and bump into the counter. I groan and close my eyes. I seriously need to get a handle on this situation. I’m a grown woman for fuck’s sake. I’m thirty, I have two kids and I just got a divorce. I can talk to a teenager that looks like a young god and act like a normal freaking human being.

 

I clear my throat before I say, “I made a list. I don’t think anything is really more important than anything else so you can work on whatever you want first.”

 

When I open my eyes he is smiling at me again. I hand him the list and he looks down at it. As he looks it over I realize how tall he is. He must have four or five inches on me. I quickly look down knowing I’m staring again. I turn around and try to busy myself by moving stuff around on the counter.

 

“I can do a couple of these this afternoon but I’ll need to get stuff for a few. And I need to look at that wall so I know what I need for that. Can you show me where it is?” he asks.

 

I show him around the house, pointing out all the things that need work. Besides the wall, the lawn and the gutters, the kid’s bathroom sink had a busted pipe and they can’t use it. The ceiling under the kid’s bathroom has a water stain from when the pipes had all but exploded and the water had collected before I could get the water shut off. The filters on the AC need to be change and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what kind and had bought two different kinds already that didn’t fit. And the railing going along the upstairs landing and stairs had a bunch of loose post from the kids playing on them.

 

The second I had shown him everything I took off back outside, claiming I had left the kids alone for far too long, but really just needing to get away from the teenage heartthrob in my home. The kids are swinging when I make it out. They are trying to see who can swing the highest. I sit at the patio table and pick my book back up. Then I remember it was a romance novel and immediately slam it shut. The last thing I need is to read a steamy sex scene, I’m already on edge and if I do I might end up locking myself in my bathroom for fifteen minutes. I pick up my watered down tea and take a big drink. I’m not sure how long the list is going to take Shawn but I can’t wait for him to be done already.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

A few hours later, I’m in the kitchen getting some work down for the office before dinner and the kids are in the living room eating popsicles and watching TV. I think Shawn was working on the railing upstairs not too long ago but all of a sudden he is in front of me smiling. He is always smiling. I jump a little having not heard him walk up to me.

 

“You scared the shit out of me,” I whisper.

 

“Sorry,” he says with a cute smirk. Fuck, a smirk now. Just kill me now. “I’ve done what I can without going to the hardware store. And I made a list of things to get for everything else. I just need to look at the lawnmower and see if I can fix that and I’ll be done for today.”

 

I keep my eyes on my computer even though I have no idea what I’m looking at. “Ok,” I nod. I point behind me to the door that leads to the garage and tell him he can find it in there. The door shuts and I drop my head into my hands. I might have to leave the house tomorrow while he is here, I’m not sure I can be around him all day and not drool.

 

He comes back in the house and lets me know its going to take some work but he is pretty sure he can get it working again.

 

“Oh, that’s great,” I exclaim. “If you get it fixed I can mow the yard myself.” He nods at me and smiles. God that smile. “So what how do I pay you? Parts and labor? Daily? Or what?” I ask him.

 

“Parts and labor will be fine. I’ll bring you the receipts and keep track of my hours. If that’s ok,” he says.

 

“Yeah, that’s fine. If you get everything tomorrow I will pay you then. Is cash ok?” I inquire.

 

He nods again and I see his hair bounce over his smooth forehead. Can’t he at least have acne or something? Or an overly large nose? I quickly look back at my computer and ask, “How much an hour?”

 

“Since I’m not a professional I charge twenty to twenty five, depends on how much work there is and if I like you,” he says cheekily.

 

I laugh and say, “I guess I’ll get charged double then since its all tedious things I should really know how to do myself.”

 

He laughs with me, looks down at the counter between us and then up at me through his hair. “For you I will do fifteen.”

 

I feel my face turn red and cough. What the hell does that mean?

 

“I really don’t mind paying more,” I say softly.

 

“I insist you don’t,” he says as he raises he head and smiles again. “I’m gonna go now,” he points over his shoulder towards the front door. “I can come earlier tomorrow, that way I can get most of this done tomorrow. The lawnmower and gutters are going to take half a day each probably.”

 

I look back up at him and nod, “Early is fine.”

 

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye Holly. Bye Hilton,” he yells over his shoulder toward the kids. They wave they popsicle covered hands at him and turn back to the TV. I start to stand and he puts his hand on the counter, “I can let myself out.”

 

I smile tightly at him and watch as he walks away. My eyes land on his butt and I slam them shut. Dammit I was doing so well.

 

I pick up my phone and debate if I should call Page and bitch her out for not warning me how hot her neighbor’s son is. If I do she’ll probably tell me to go for it, rebound sex, but there is no way that will happen. Even if I was convinced he would go for it. I can’t take advantage of teenager. Well I think he is a teenager. She had said he was home from college and these days you can never tell. High school across the county have senior boys that range from tiny little boys that barely look old enough to be in high school to fully grown men that you think might have been held back a year or two at some point. I put my phone back down and get up to start dinner. I’ll talk to Page about it Thursday when we go out for drinks like we always do.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Its eight a.m. when I hear knocking at the front door. I’m still in bed and groan. I’m surprised the kids haven’t woken me yet and roll out of bed. I grab my robe hanging on the back of my bedroom door and head down stairs to see who it is. When I open the door, I groan again. How it is fair is it that at eight in the morning this boy is wide awake, smiling and looks like he just got done doing a photo shoot for Calvin Klein? I try my best to smile back and run my head over my head, knowing I probably look like death run over this early on a Tuesday. I step back and let him in with a quick, “Morning.” He walks in and I shut my eyes. Last night as I lay in bed I had told myself I was not going to act like a complete ass today and treat him like any other person I had come to my home to make repairs. I would not stare at his face, body or ass nor would not act like a pre-pubescence teenage girl with her first crush.

 

Once he is inside, I shut the door, lock it and head to the kitchen to make coffee. As I start the coffee maker I hear Shawn place a tool box on the counter behind me. “I got everything I needed this morning and thought maybe I should work on the lawnmower first. I want to make sure I can get it fix with what I got. If that’s alright?” he says.

 

The coffee pot starts dripping liquid gold into the pot and the smell of the dark coffee helps clear my head. I turn around and lean against the counter, pulling the sides of my robe tighter around my thicker that average frame. “That’s fine. Like I said yesterday, nothing really takes priority so whatever you want to do is fine with me,” I say then yawn and a wave of my hand.

 

Shawn is just standing there looking at me and I wonder if maybe I have pillow indentions in my face. I rub both hands over my face. I don’t feel any so I’m sure it’s just my early morning appearance. I tend to have a rats nest type situation with my hair from tossing and turning. I have to wet it almost every morning to get it back to its usual wavy short style. I always end up with a headband on to keep the fly aways out of my face.

 

“Does your hair always look that in the morning?” he asks looking at the top of my head with a chuckle.

 

I blush and start combing my fingers through my hair. “Um, yeah, is it that bad?” I ask a little embarrassed to be standing in front of a guy whose hair currently looks like perfection.

 

“It’s kinda cute,” he says and I feel my blush take a life of it’s own. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m red from my hair line to my chest at this point.

 

The coffee maker starts sputtering, indicating it’s almost done, and I turn around. Shawn says, “Well, I’d better get to work.” I wave over my shoulder while reaching for a coffee mug in the cabinet over the coffee pot. When I head the garage down close I squeeze my eyes shut and tell myself I had acted like a normal person, if you didn’t count the last part.

 

After making my coffee, I make my way back upstairs to wake the kids. I open the door to Holly’s room and find her awake and already on the damn tablet. I remind her she has stuff to do before she can be on that and walk to Hil’s room. He is still sleeping, which is unusual for him. I walk over to his bed, sit down and rub his back. “Hey Hil, it’s time to get up buddy.”

 

He rolls over and I see a few comic books left lying on the bed where he just was. I stick my hand under his pillow and pull out the flashlight. Now I’m not worried. He was up reading comics till god knows when and that is why he is still asleep. “Come on bud, up and at em,” I say as I lay the flashlight on his bedside table and give his bottom a little pat. He groans and rolls over. He is like me and hates to be woken up for any reason.

 

I head back down stairs and get bowls out of the cabinet to make the kids some cereal then start up my laptop to check and see if there are any pressing matters to handle for work. By the time I have their cereal on the table the kids have managed to make it downstairs.

 

I check my emails while they eat, sipping my coffee and trying to ignore the sounds coming from the garage. When the kids are done I send them back up stairs to brush their teeth and get dressed for the day. We usually spend the morning doing a few chores, they will play outside for a bit until lunch. After lunch I let them watch TV or use electronics for a while or we run errands. Then its dinner time and maybe a movie or board game. At bedtime, they shower, read and then I tuck them in. It’s not the most exciting life but it’s ours. Occasionally we will head to the library or community pool. Often they have friends over or go to Grandma’s. We are just a normal family. Now that I’m divorced they spend every other weekend with their father and he usually has them over one or two nights a week. When school starts I’m not sure what we will do. Thankfully we ended things amicably and so far co-parenting has gone smoothly. We’ve both done everything we can to make the transition easy for the kids.

 

After the kids are ready for the day I have them start their chores. Hilton is my baby, at five, and I have him collect all the dirty clothes and pick up his room. Holly, my first, is seven, and I have her sweep and mop or vacuum and take out the trash. Hil usually helps with the recycle and that’s what I have them do first.

 

When they don’t come back in the house after five minutes I head to the garage to see what’s taking so long. I walk through the open door, I see the garage door open and there is a nice breeze from outside. It’s still early but it will be hot in here soon. Inside, I see them both by the lawnmower holding tools while Shawn is telling them what he is doing. There are lawnmower parts spread out all around them, Hil already has a smudge of grease on his cheek and Holly is trying to figure out which screw driver is a Philips and which one is a flathead.

 

“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask. Three sets of eyes find me and three sets of lips turn up to smile. I smile back at my babies and the most attractive man I’ve ever seen. I quickly drop it at that last thought and tell the kids they need to leave Shawn alone so he can work.

 

“They aren’t bothering me,” he says. “In fact, I’m pretty sure they make great assistants.” The kids beam at his statement.

 

“If you are sure,” I say.

 

“It’s really no problem. As long as you don’t mind,” he says.

 

I shake my head and tell the kids if they start getting in the way they will have to come back inside. They both talk over each other saying they promise they won’t. I go back inside and start doing the chores myself.

 

The kids stay in the garage for a couple hours, only coming inside to get a drink and use the bathroom a couple times. Every time they do they tell me what they are doing and how they are helping. It’s cute.

 

I use the quite time to get my work for the day done early, as well as a little extra and before I know it, it’s lunch time.

 

I make a plateful of grill cheeses, grab a few oranges and pour glasses of iced tea. I head to the garage and before I get there I hear the lawnmower start. It runs for a few seconds then shuts off. I open the door to the garage and find the kids and Shawn cheering and high fiving.

 

“Lunch is ready,” I say over their noise and they all turn towards me. The kids run to me and start telling me that they help fix the lawnmower and I hug them both. “That’s great guys. Now why don’t you go and wash up so we can eat.”

 

They both take off inside the house chatting back and forth about the different things they did and the parts they learned the names of. I turn back to Shawn who is leaning over the newly fixed lawnmower and all I can see is the waistband of his boxers and flawless bare skin between his shirt and jeans. He’s back is defined and tan. That makes me think he is outside without a shirt on a lot and I can’t take my eyes away.

 

Shawn stands back up and turns around to look at me. I snap back to attention and quickly say, “I made plenty of sandwiches for lunch if you would like to join us.” Then I turn and run, not even sorry I don’t stay to hear his answer.

 

At the kitchen table I set two plates in front of the chairs the kids sit at and leave the extra by the grill chesses. I grab a sandwich for myself and sit in my chair. They kids come running from the downstairs bathroom and dig in. A moment later, Shawn walks in the house and makes his way to the kitchen sink. He washes he’s hands and joins us at the table. Between bites the kids tell me everything they helped do to the lawnmower and how Shawn had told them they had really done all the work, he had just supervised. I smile and listen as they each repeat the same things over and over again. It really makes it easier on me because I don’t have to listen as closely and I can use that attention to keep myself from staring at the hot guy across the table from me. A couple times my foot accidently hits his and I pull them under my chair. Every time it happens I look over at him and he acts like nothing has happened.

 

The kids wolf down their sandwiches and oranges and then take off into the living room leaving us alone and they are little shits. I look up and see Shawn looking right back at me with a wide smile and then he winks, throws an orange slice in his mouth and chewing has never been sexier. Crap. Now what do I do? I shove the last quarter of my sandwich in my mouth and start cleaning up.

 

I start loading the dishes into the dishwasher when I feel him come up beside me. I’m leaning down to put a plate on the bottom rack and when I stand up he is right there. I go to take a step away but I’m boxed in.

 

“Thanks for lunch Laney,” he says quietly.

 

I gulp and reply, “It’s no problem. Thanks for getting the lawnmower working and letting the kids helped. That’s all they are going to be able to talk about for days probably.” I turn back to the sink and try to ignore that a simple step toward him and I would be pressed firmly against him. What is wrong with me? I turn and look at him and ask, “How old are you?” I immediately cringe. I have no filter around him apparently. In my attempt to make myself feel better about ogling him I’ve asked a somewhat inappropriate question.  


“I’ll be twenty in August,” he says, not having a problem answering the question.

 

Then it registers. He is nineteen and I was just checking out his ass for the second time. I’m so fucked. I quickly turn off the faucet, slam the dishwasher shut and call over my shoulder as I run from him, “Well I’d better get to that laundry. It’s not going to fold itself.”

 

When I make it to the laundry room I slam the door shut behind me and press my back to it. I slide down it with my knees bent and let my elbows rest there. I hang my head and berate myself. At least before I could pretend he was about to be a senior in college. Now I know I’m a pervert and he just finished his first year there. I might have to consider letting him go and just figure this shit out myself. I know it will probably end up costing more if I mess up and have to hire a professional to fix it. And it will defiantly take longer but at least that way I won’t feel like a scumbag for salivating over this young boy.

 

I bang my head against the door behind me and decide no. I can do this. Its just a few days then I’ll never see him again. I get up and go to the washer. What can happen in a few days?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. I don't have a beta at the moment. 
> 
> I did think of a couple possible titles but haven't settled on one yet. As soon as I do I will update that. Sorry. 
> 
> I'd great appreciate if you read this and like it, that you leave a comment or at least hit the kudos button. It doesn't seem to be getting much attention and I have a feeling it's because most SM fans are younger, not older like myself. That and those who use ao3 don't seem to interact that much, imo. But maybe that's just me and my stories. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy!
> 
> Update - No wonder no one is reading this. Its horrible. I tried again. It's still probably still full of mistakes. Sorry!

I spend sometime outside with the kids, running throw the sprinklers since the day has gotten hot like I expected. We chase each other over and around the sprinkler and they take turns sliding over the tarp we use for a slip and slide. I hadn’t planned on getting in the water with them so I’m running around in my jean shorts and a dark blue tank top that are now plastered to my skin. I notice the time and tell the kids I’m going inside to change before I start dinner. They barely even notice I’m leaving and continue to run around the water soaked yard.

 

I go to my room, peel my clothes off and change into a pair of comfortable pajama pants and an old ratty t-shirt. I’m not expecting to see anyone else today so why not be comfortable for the rest of the day? When I leave my room I see the wall that had a hole from one of the kid’s head, I still don’t know which because they won’t tell me, has been patched. That’s when I remember that Shawn is still around somewhere and I’m not wearing a bra. I resist the urge to go back in my room and put one on. So what if he sees my c cups sagging a little? I highly doubt he’s never since a woman without a bra on before. He probably has women of all ages throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. With and without bras on.  

 

I head back downstairs and to the kitchen to start dinner. The kids wore me out so it’s a chili dog night. It’s quick, easy and less to clean up after. The kids come running in asking if Shawn can stay for dinner just as he appears from the hall carrying the wrong size filters I bought a few weeks ago.

 

“I wish I could,” he says to the kids. “But I have to go. Maybe another time if that’s ok with your mom.”

 

“Please mom!” the kids say at the same times as they clasp their hands together and bounce up and down.   


“Sure,” I say smiling tightly at them. I’ll come up with an excuse if it comes up again.  The kids pout as they go to change and get ready for dinner.

 

“I’m done for the day. I got that hole upsides patched, I just need to paint it. And I fixed the kids sink. I need to check the damage under the floor to make sure the joist didn’t get any water damage before I can start on the ceiling underneath it. And I also put in the new filters. I can go ahead and take these back and get a refund,” Shawn says as I’m getting dinner going.

 

I nod as he is talking and keep my attention on my hands. “That’s sounds good,” I say. I’m getting better at interacting with him. I turn and open the refrigerator, bend over at the waist and grab the cheese off the bottom shelf. When I stand back up and turn around Shawn is standing right in front of me. I yelp and stumble back into the open refrigerator.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispers but doesn’t seem to be moving away. I push my hair away from eyes and look up at him. “I noticed you tensed up when the kids asked if I could stay. I hope that’s not because of me. I really like your kids. They’re pretty cool.”

 

I swallow and feel my body heat up at his proximity even with the cool air behind me. “No, it’s not you. I just wasn’t expecting it is all,” I lie.

 

“Good, if you really don’t mind I can stay tomorrow night. I do have plans with my family tonight but I’d really like to spend more time with Hil and Hol,” he says.

 

I smile tightly at him, “Yeah that would be great. I know they enjoy hanging out with you.” So much for making up an excuse to get out of that. This boy is good.

 

“Great,” he grins and his dimple shows. I stare at it and feel my eyes go glossy. He is even better looking up close, if that was even possible. He’s jaw is so sharp and I can imagine licking it. I’ve never understood why romance novels say that until now. And his lips, they are full lips for a guy, the bottom looks like it would be nice to suck on. And they look so soft, I bet he is an amazing kisser. When my eyes finally make their way back up to his soulful brown eyes I see his pupils have dilated and are focus on my lips. I feel a chill run down my spine that I’m not sure I can contribute to the open refrigerator behind me. He starts to lean down toward me and I let my eyes close.

 

“Mom! Mom! Holly hit me!” Hilton yells as he races down the stairs. I jump and push my way around Shawn, leaving the refrigerator door open. I have to get away from him before I end up doing something stupid.

  
“So we’ll see you tomorrow,” I say instead of ask as go back to the stove to check on dinner. I see it’s done and go about getting plates, keeping my back to Shawn the entire time. There is no way I can look at him right now.

 

“Yeah. I’ll be over about eight,” he says a little sadly. I frown.

 

“Ok. Drive safe,” I say over my shoulder trying to sound chipper and make the kid’s plates. “Bye.”

 

“Bye,” I hear and then he walks away. As he says bye to the kids and the front door shuts, I lean with both hands against the counter and let my head drop. What the hell was that? Was he about to kiss me? I’m pretty sure he was. But why? He can’t possible like me like that. I’m over ten years older than him. And there have got to be younger, prettier, fitter and more interesting women out there that would kill for a chance with him. I can’t think about this right now. I call the kids to the kitchen. Hopefully they will be plenty enough distraction to keep my mind preoccupied.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

 

On Tuesday night I had turned my alarm on so I can get up and be presentable before Shawn shows up. Page would say I’m trying to impress him but really I just don’t want to look like a hot mess. I shower, style my hair, put on a little makeup and get dressed just as the clock turns eight. The kids are already up, having stormed in the bathroom while I was in the shower and told me they were starving. I had rolled my eyes and told them they could eat some cereal or grab a banana if they didn’t think they would make it till I was out. I walk into the living room to find them both with bowls of cheerios watching SpongeBob. I shake my head and head to the kitchen for coffee.

 

I check my email, drink my coffee and text Page before I realize its well after eight and Shawn still hasn’t shown up. I walk to the window by the front door, push the curtain aside and see his Jeep in the driveway. Then I see movement by the corner of the yard and there Shawn is mowing the yard…. shirtless. God help me. He is all muscle. His back is board and flexes under a layer of sweat, and he has a golden tan. He turns around and I see a six pack and that v that guys have. All tan and sweaty and I’m feeling hot now.

 

He waves and I quickly drop the curtain. Crap I was caught staring again. I hurriedly open the front door to try and make it look like I hadn’t been standing there for five minutes. “Hey, I didn’t know you were here yet. You don’t have to mow the lawn. I was going to do that,” I say as innocently as possible.

 

He grabs the shirt that he had stuffed into his back pocket of his shorts and wipes his face off. “I got here a little early and didn’t want to wake you again so I figured I’d get it done. I won’t charge you,” he says as he walks towards me. I try hard to keep my eyes on his face but he is walking towards me and it’s not hard to imagine him on a runway. He is that beautiful. There is no way he was going to kiss me yesterday. My mind must have been playing tricks on me. That’s what happened. I’m going crazy. That makes far more since then the alternative.

 

“Of course you will. Thanks for taking care of it,” I thank him. “I really wasn’t looking forward to getting all hot and sweaty.” I immediately want to smack myself in the face.

 

“Oh yeah?” he ask huskily. “I wouldn’t mind seeing that.” My jaw drops. Ok he defiantly just flirted with me, right? I wish I had a witness so I could ask them what they thought. “You look beautiful this morning,” he purrs as he comes to stand in front of me. I look up at him and know he is, in fact, flirting. Has he done that before? All my memories of our interactions are a little hazy. It’s hard to think straight around him.

 

“I, um,” I stammer and look down at the ground between us. “I’m going to go back inside,” I motion over my shoulder towards the door.

 

“Ok, I’m just about done. I’ll be in in a bit,” he says and I rush into the house. I’m really struggling with acting like a normal person around him and he isn’t helping.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

When I’m making lunch for the kids, chicken nuggets and fries, Shawn comes into the kitchen, thankfully wearing his shirt again. “Mind if I join you for lunch?” he asks. I nod my head and grab another plate. My new strategy is silence. I’m not going to say anything unless I absolutely have too. Maybe he will take the hint and quit doing whatever it is he’s been doing.

 

I call the kids and we all sit down to eat. I grab my computer, breaking my no electronics at the table rule and lie to the kids, saying I have work I have to get done now. They really don’t seem to mind since they have Shawn to talk to. I really do try to get a little work done but I can’t help but listen to them talk. He really is good with them. He doesn’t talk to them like they are children but knows how to keep the conversation child appropriate. It’s endearing. Because I need another reason to find him attractive apparently.

 

After lunch Shawn goes back outside to start on the gutters. I take the kids out back to play in the sprinklers again because it’s such a hot day. And once again they drag me in with them.

 

I had made sure the kids had sunscreen but since I had planned on staying in the shade of the porch I haven’t put any on. It’s not long before I start to feel myself burning. I head back to the porch and start drying off so I can apply the spray sunscreen to keep myself from turning into a lobster. When I go to get the back of my shoulders a shirtless Shawn appears beside me. He takes the can from me and says, “Let me.”

 

I gulp and turn around. He sprays my shoulders then uses his other hand to rub it in. I gasp at the contact and tense up. He is more massaging that rubbing and it feels amazing. Is there anything this guy isn’t good at? Then he brushes the hair sticking to my neck aside and repeats. I hear the sunscreen can being placed on the table and then both of his hands are on me. I feel him step closer and his chest lightly pressed into my back. He’s fingers dig a little harder into my neck and my head falls forward.

 

Holly yells and I stiffen. I take a step forward and turn around. “Thanks,” I breathe out a little heavy.

 

“No problem,” he smirks. “My turn.”

 

My eyes grow wide. “Um,” I can’t think of what to say. He hands me the can and turns around.

 

“I can’t reach,” he points at his back as he looks at me over his board, muscular, tan shoulder. “I don’t want to burn.”

 

I take a half step toward him and begin to spray his back from top to bottom, side to side with SPF fifty. When I get to the bottom he says, “Aren’t you going to rub it in? Make sure you didn’t miss any spots.  I don’t want to have any weird tan lines.”

 

My mouth goes dry and I’m about to tell him I don’t think that would be appropriate but then my hands are on his back. The can clinking on the concrete we are standing on. I start at the bottom this time, right above his perfect ass. He’s skin is smooth and soft. I feel his muscles flex and relax under my finger as I show him the same treatment he showed me. I massage the sunscreen into his back, making my way up, exploring ever nook and cranny between his well defined muscles. When does he have time to work out I wonder. When I reach his shoulders I notice his chin is now resting on his chest and he is moaning lightly. I get a chill and my skin burst into little bumps all over my body. I close my eyes as I quickly rub the top of his shoulders and the back of his neck to get it done. I step away and wipe my hands on the towel on the table. He turns around and retrieves the forgot can. “Thanks,” he says with a smile then starts spraying his chest. My eyes are glued to his movements. One hand sprays the other follows and rubs it in. All over his chest and abs and I am pretty sure I’m drooling. When he moves to his arms I have to squeeze my legs together. I can feel my wet shorts and panties get wetter. This has got to be how at least one porn starts, a hot young guy working on the older woman’s house for a little cash. All that’s missing is me in a robe with a cigarette in my mouth asking him if he could help an old lady out upstairs.

 

I avert my eyes when I feel his on me. He’s hand comes up to my face to turn it to face him. “That blush of yours is breathtaking,” he whispers. Then his hand drops and he goes back to the ladder leaning against the house. As he climbs it, I sit and let my head fall back.

 

When the kids turn the hose on me I want to thank them. I’m pretty sure I was about to over heat. I get up and go back to playing water war with the kids doing my best to forget what just happened.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I decide to order pizza for dinner. The kids get all excited like they usually do when we order pizza because I always let them chose the toppings. It’s always the same, one peperoni and mushrooms and one sausage. Usually pizza night means a fort and family movie. I try to convince them not to build a fort knowing it will be a tight fit with two grown ups and two children. It wasn’t a problem before when it was us and their father. However, its not going to be their father in there with us, it’s going to be Shawn. When I know I can’t talk them out of it, I offer to help instead. That way I can make it a little bigger than they would by themselves and I won’t have to worry about trying to squish two kids between us. Even with my help it’s going to be a tight fit. Hil wanted to be the “contractor” and wouldn’t take much suggestion from me. Holly was his loyal assistant and agreed with his every decision. Of course when it’s something that I don’t want them to agree on, they decide to play nice.

 

I hear the pizza guy pull up and go to grab the money on the counter for the tip but by the time I get to the front door, Shawn is walking in carrying the two large pizzas. “I was going to tip the delivery guy,” I complain.

 

“I did,” he smiles at me. I go to hand him the five dollar bill in my hand and he waves it off with a scowl on his face, which still doesn’t take from his looks. Will I ever get use to his beauty? Will he always take my breath away with just a look? I shake my head, reminding myself he will be gone in a couple of days and I won’t have to worry about it anymore after that.

 

“The kids made a fort in the living room,” I say and head that way. He follows and I feel his eyes burning into the back of my head. “We usually eat pizza in there and watch a movie.”

 

The kids have draped a blanket from the fort over the TV, using a broom stick to keep it tented so we can see it. There is a flap open and Holly has brought the small oscillating fan from her room to put inside so it doesn’t get stuff with all of us under all the blankets. She hates getting all hot and sweaty and I don’t blame her. With Shawn’s eyes on me I’m already a little hot.

 

I bend down, drop to my knees and crawl inside. I turn when I’m in and take the pizzas from him so he doesn’t have to balance them on his way in. I place them on the blanket in the middle of the fort and pick up the plates and napkins I had the kids bring in while he crawls in. I start serving the pizza while Shawn gets settled and the kids start the movie. It’s an old movie that we’ve watched a million times before but it’s cute so I don’t mind. The kids start telling Shawn all about it and he surprisingly hasn’t seen it before. I tell him he is in for a treat because the kids will recite lines and act out their favorite parts.

 

Even with in the confide space I manage to keep my distance from Shawn. He on the other hand seems on a mission to touch me as much as possible even going as far as to wiping my cheek when I get pizza sauce on it. I give him a look letting him know he needs to chill it, especially in front of my kids. He backs off a little but not completely. Once the kids have finished eating and are lying on their stomachs, resting their chins in their hands, Shawn scoots closer and puts his arm on the couch behind us. He doesn’t quite put it around my shoulders but he lets his fingers graze the back of my neck. When I don’t immediately pull away he must take that as the go ahead to touch me more firmly. He lets his fingers wrap around the side of my neck and lets them stay there. At first I tense but when he doesn’t try caressing or massaging I relax a little. I really should move away but it’s been so long since I’ve felt anything like what he makes me feel.

 

The second the movies ends I’m up and taking down the fort. The kids pout but I tell them its bath night and they need to go take their showers. They ask if Shawn can stay and tuck them in after.

 

“No,” I say in my mom voice. “People will think we are trying to keep him prisoner if he stayed every time you two wanted him to. I’m sure he has plans.

 

They both stomp their little feet and are about to start throwing a tantrum. I can feel it in the air. Shawn is watching us from where he is standing folding the last blanket with a small smile trying to hide his amusement. I point to the stairs and place one hand on my hip. They know I mean business so they turn and stomp up the stairs.

 

When they are out of sight Shawn says, “I really don’t mind. I don’t have anything else to do tonight.”

 

I smile and shake my head. “Maybe another time.”

 

He looks down and places the folded blanket on the pile beside him and nods. I feel bad for him and them but if he keeps giving into their every whim he would never leave. The kids really like him and that makes me really like him too. That’s not a good situation for any of us.

 

“Right, well I guess I’d better go then,” he says a little sadly and I know if they ask tomorrow I’ll probably say yes. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

I try to smile at him and give him a little wave as he walks to the door. “See you tomorrow,” I say.

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning I wake up and see I have a text from Shawn saying something came up, he won’t be able to come over until the afternoon and he can’t get out of it. I think maybe that’s a good thing. He got the ceiling patched yesterday and all that’s left is to paint both patch jobs. Last night while I was sleeping I had thought of a couple more things he could do but knew it would be better to just handle it myself. Or maybe even ask Ethan.

 

After getting up and getting ready for the day I tell the kids we are going out. We haven’t done much but hang out at home this week and we all need out of the house. We go to the park until the trampoline park opens then go there. They run and jump and play for hours. On the way home we stop at McDonald’s for happy meals and by the time we get home they are starting to fall asleep.

 

I make them go upstairs and take a nap and when they hardly protest I know they really are worn out. As I’m sitting at the kitchen table with a fresh cup of coffee and my computer I hear Shawn’s Jeep pull into the driveway. I hurry to the garage and open the garage door. He gets out and looks at me confused. “The kids are sleeping upstairs and I didn’t want the door bell to wake them,” I say.

 

“Oh, ok,” he says as he grabs a couple of things from his Jeep. Today he is wear a pair of low raise jeans and a plain white t-shirt. “Sorry about this morning. My mom decided we are going to have a barbeque this weekend and she absolutely had to go to Sam’s first thing this morning. I had to drive her.”

 

“It’s really not a problem. The kids and I went out,” I say. Then I point to the few paint cans my ex had left in the garage, “Those are the cans of paint Ethan saved in case we ever needed them. I don’t know if they are still any good though.”

 

He strolls over to them and says he will check it out before he starts and I go back inside to do some work.

 

The kids wake an hour later and Shawn is just about finished painting. They ask him if he can stay and play with them when he is done and he looks to me to see if I’m ok with it. After yesterday I can’t say no.

 

“I don’t know guys,” he starts to say but I interrupt.

 

“Oh come on. How can you say no to those faces?” I point to the kids and they know this game. They both stick out their bottom lips and start blinking fast. It’s the classic puppy dog face.

 

He laughs and nods, “You are absolutely right. I can’t say no.” He turns back to me and pulls out an envelope and hands it to me.

 

“What’s this?” I ask as I go to open it and pull out a piece of white paper. I see it’s his bill. It has everything he has done listed and how long he spent doing each thing. It also has all the supplies listed and already paid him back for. It’s so professional and I smile at it. He has indeed charged me fifteen an hour. I already know I will be giving him a big tip for how great he has been and the great job he has done. “I’ll get my purse and leave it on the counter for you to grab later,” I grin at him. He nods and smiles back. Always smiling.

 

The kids drag him into the backyard, refreshed from their nap. I kind of feel bad for him but he could have said no. I know he didn’t want to though. I go back to my computer to get my daily work done so I can go out with Page tonight for drinks. The babysitter will be here at eight and we are off to our favorite bar on the square. I can’t wait. I have a lot to tell Page. Now that he is done working on the house I won’t have to worry about it anymore but I still need to talk about it. Maybe this is a sign that I’m ready to date. She will know. She’s been divorced and remarried.

 

Two hours later and the kids are still running Shawn through hoops in the back yard. I have gone out a couple times to take them water and to reapply sunscreen. When Shawn came towards me for his turn I dropped the can of sunscreen and ran in the house claiming I heard my work phone. I don’t even have a work phone. Now I’m standing in the kitchen trying to decide what to make for dinner.

 

As I pull out some hamburger meat to make burgers, my phone rings Page’s ringtone. I put the hamburger in the sink and go to the living room to answer it.

 

“Hey Page” I ask.

 

“Hey girl,” she says. “I can’t make it tonight. Todd and Ali are both sick and I just can’t leave them. I’m so sorry. I know you said you had something you wanted to talk about but I just can’t get away.”

 

I sigh. I really needed a night out but I completely understand. “It’s fine. And it wasn’t that important. It can wait,” I say.

 

“That’s not how you made it sound in your text the other day. I don’t know why we can’t just talk on the phone,” she says a little miffed with me that I always want to talk in person.

 

“I like to see your face when we are talking. It’s hard to tell what you are thinking over the phone,” I explain again.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Ok well I have to go. I really am sorry. Maybe if they are better this weekend we can reschedule?” she asks.

 

“Yeah, I have the kids but maybe Ethan can take them. Take care of the family. Hope they feel better soon,” I say and then we hang up. So much for my much needed night out.

 

I sit down on the couch and pout. I guess I can watch that movie I’ve wanted to watch and just haven’t made time for yet. I text the sitter and let her know I don’t need her after all. Not knowing what else I can really do about me lost night at this point, I get up and go back into the kitchen. I go to the refrigerator, grab the half bottle of Moscato and find a glass. I quickly down a glass and refill it again. Guess I’ll go back to starting dinner.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Of course the kids insist Shawn stay for dinner when its time and I don’t even try to fight them on it. I’ve finished my half bottle of wine and the only reason I don’t open another is I can’t be drunk before the kids go to bed.

 

During dinner they are talking about the game of soccer they were playing earlier, they had played two on one. They keep saying Shawn was so good at handling the ball and that he had even showed them a few things. And since I do have a little buzz going, I shock both myself and Shawn when I say, “I’m pretty good at handling balls too.” The kids start asking when I started playing soccer and Shawn’s jaw has fallen to the table. He just stares at me then coughs out a laugh. I smirk at him and start telling the kids that I played when I was a little older than them. They give him a strangle look when he keeps coughing. He gets quiet after that and simply stares at me for awhile.

 

After dinner the kids ask Shawn to play a board game while I clean up. I open another bottle of wine but make sure to only sip on it until I get the kids to bed. They ask for ice cream floats. And since I’m the ever doting mother I carry three big glasses to them where they are all sitting around the coffee table. I sit on the couch behind Shawn watching them play and when my leg brushes his arm I instantly try to pull it away. Instead he places the arm over my knee keeping me there and I don’t know how to move away without the kids noticing. And if I’m being honest I don’t want to move. He is so warm and everywhere he is touching has that tingling sensation. I haven’t felt anything like that just from touching someone in forever. So for now I’ll let it be.

 

Every now and then his hand will rub up and down the front of my shin and I get a chill down my spine. I end up drinking the rest of my wine in a few big gulps the first time he does it. When I set my empty glass down I see him grinning widely and I know he is laughing at me because he is currently losing at a game of “Sorry.”

 

The kids eventually ask me to play with them and even get out “The Game of Life” because they know it’s my favorite. When I slide down to the floor I make sure to leave plenty of space between  myself and Shawn but when I extend my legs under the table he follows suit, pulls my legs towards him and starts to play footsy with me. It makes me giddy to be playing footsy and I know my face is red because every time the kids are distracted Shawn brushes his fingers over my cheek and stares at my lips for a second before turning back to the game.

 

After a couple more long games I tell the kids its time for bed and the puppy dog eyes come out as they ask if Shawn can tuck them in. I turn to look at him to see if he will let me know with a look if he wants to or not and see he is doing it too. Now I have three completely adorable and pathetic looking children in front of me and I roll my eyes. “Fine, go get ready and he can tuck you in,” I tell them as I collect the cups from their ice cream.

 

I hear him follow me to the kitchen where I go to the sink and rinse out the cups before I put them in the dishwasher. “You have some awesome kids,” he says as he walks closer to me.

 

I back up and feel the counter behind me. I grip it with both hands and nod. “Yeah, they are pretty great,” I whisper. He takes another step closer and I can’t seem to look away. He extends his arms and leans over a little so he can grip the counter on either sides of me next to my hands but keeps space between out bodies.

 

“You are pretty amazing too,” he says softly as his face seems to come closer and closer and closer. I let my eyes slide down his face to his full, pink lips and his tongue slides out and licks at his bottom lip.

 

“SHAWN! WE’RE READY!”

 

Shawn lets his forehead fall to my shoulder. He breathes down the front of my scooped neck shirt and I feel my nipples pebble. He groans as if he sees and I shut my eyes. “God, you smell good,” he says and I hold back a moan. He stands up straight and kisses my forehead and rubs my arm with his hand before he turns and goes to tuck in the kids. When he is gone I slump against the counter behind me and try to get my heartbeat back to normal. What the hell? He was about to kiss me. I know it. I grab the bottle of wine and don’t even bother with my glass. It’s been a long day and I can’t anymore today. I bring it to my lips and take a drink.

 

I go back into the living room with my wine and sit on the couch. I pull up the movie on Netflix and pull the blanket laying on the back of the couch down, curl my legs under me and get comfortable. Shawn comes back down about twenty minutes later and I smile. “They make you read more than one book?” I laugh.

 

He sits next to me, throws his arm around my shoulder and nods. “Yeah, I read ‘Where the Wild Things Are,’ ‘Green Eggs and Ham,’ and ‘When You Give a Mouse a Cookie,’” he says with a smile.

 

I touch his leg and give it a squeeze. “You are really good with them. And they absolutely love you.”

 

I turn my attention back to the TV and Shawn pulls me a little closer. I’m tipsy enough at this point to just let it happen. A few minutes later I find myself resting my head on his shoulder and he rests his cheek on the top of my head. We stay that way for the rest of the movie.

 

When it’s over I sit up straight, push the blanket off my legs and stretch my arms over my head. I feel Shawn’s fingers at the small of my back and I turn to look at him. He is staring at me again, intensely. He wraps the hand at my back around my side and pulls me to him. His other arm reaches across my body and pulls my upper body towards him then moves up to my neck. He stares at my lips and says softly, “I’ve been thinking about doing this since you opened the door that first day.” Then his lips are on mine and my eyes slide shut. His lips are so soft but move with intent. He pulls at my bottom lip with his and he licks it. He releases it and pulls away so that his lips are no longer touching mine but I am still breathing his air. I lick my lip and taste him on me. I shutter and then he is on me again. This time his tongue pushes its way into my mouth and I let it caress mine. He is an amazing kisser and I find that I’m getting lost in his lips. My hands come up to his chest and I flatten them against his collar bone, move them up to his neck and around to the back of his head.  My fingers slide into his hair and it’s so soft and thick. Shawn tilts his head ever so slightly, deepens the kiss and I moan into his mouth. I grip his hair and tug a little and he growls then starts to push me back on to the couch. Of course that is when my brain remembers who he is, who I am and why we can’t be doing this. I bring my hands back down to his chest and push as I regretfully pull my lips from his. We are both breathing hard and his hands still on my back and neck try to pull me back to him.

 

“Shawn, we need to stop,” I breathe out.

 

He looks at me and asks, “Why? I did I do something wrong, did I hurt you?”

 

I shake my head no and pull away from him, trying to get some space between us but he doesn’t seem to want to let me go. “No. We shouldn’t be doing this,” I explain. His face scrunches up and I continue, “I’m way too old to be kissing a nineteen year old. And you work for me. It’s not appropriate. We shouldn’t have done that. I had to stop it before, well it just needed to stop.”

 

He sighs and finally let’s go of me. He puts his arm back on the back of the couch and his other brings his hand to his face. He pinches the bridge of his nose and seems to be trying to calm himself. “I get why you would say that but you’re wrong,” he says after a minute. Then he looks up at me, letting his hand fall to his lap. “You aren’t too old and technically I don’t work for you anymore,” he smirks.

 

I laugh. He has got me there. “Ok, yeah you don’t work for me anymore. But I am too old. And since I’m the older one, I feel like I should stop this before it can even really begin. You should be kissing someone your own age, someone you like, someone you can date and take home to meet your family.”

 

“You think I don’t like you?” he snorts. “If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t have kissed you.”

 

I scoot back, place my elbow on the back of the couch and rest my head against my fist as I curl my legs under me again. I take a second to consider him and now that we have some space between us I feel like I can think. “I’m not so sure you do. And you’ve ignored everything else I’ve said.”

 

He frowns at me. “You don’t see yourself very clearly. And I’m not even going to touch anything else you said. None of that even matters right now,” he sighs.

 

“But it does. You are young and shouldn’t be here trying to make out with me when you could be out with someone equally as young as yourself. You should be out having fun and living life. You don’t need to be here, starting something that is only going to end badly. You need to go out and meet as many beautiful girls as you can, break a few of their hearts. Get your heart broken. I’ve already lived that life and now I’m a mother and its time for me to live this life. You don’t want any part of that. You aren’t ready for that and kissing me might lead you to that life faster than you’d like and then we would both end up hurt,” I say, knowing I’m jumping ahead a little but maybe it will scare him enough to understand. However, between the wine and the hot kissing I’m not sure if I’m making any sense or he comprehends what I’m trying to say. I just know I can’t let this continue. He may be young but I could fall for him, hard and fast, and it would break my heart when he figured out he didn’t want any part of the life I currently lead.

 

Shawn just looks at me. “How do you know what I need? I don’t want any of that. I’m not saying I want to move in and get married. I like you. I want to kiss you. I don’t want to be anywhere else. Why do you have to make this a bigger issue than it is?” he argues with me.

 

“And that is just another reason why we can’t, Shawn. I’m no longer in the place where just making out for fun is a thing. I’m not saying I want marriage either. Just that I’m too old to be playing games. I have kids and a job and an ex husband, for god’s sake. You don’t know what you are getting into with me. I have a lot of baggage. Do you really want to start something that you aren’t sure what it all entails? Making out isn’t just that with me. At least not for me,” I try to explain.

 

“I get that. And I’m not saying I want a one night stand and then you’ll never see me again. I want just want to explore this attraction I feel towards you. You know you feel it too,” he says and then slides closer to me. I want to back up but the arm of the couch is at my back and I can’t. He places his hand over my knee and slides it up my thigh. “Don’t you want me? Because I know I want you,” he says a little unsure and squeezes my thigh firmly. “Let me kiss you,” he pleads. He is leaning toward me again and his tongue comes out to lick his bottom lip catching my eye and I want to give in. He isn’t wrong. I do want him. I want all of him and I want him now. But I’m the more mature one here and I know we shouldn’t be doing this.

 

“I don’t know,” I whisper. He is closer now and instead of kissing me he leans his head down and caresses my neck with his lips, just a gently stroke over my pulse point, and I moan softly.

 

“Yes, you do. You want me almost as much as I want you.” I laugh lightly. He has no idea how much I want him. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want him. “There is nothing wrong with us getting to know each other better,” he speaks into my skin under my jaw, sending a chill down my back and goose bumps raise all over my neck and shoulders. “If we don’t think we can make this work, we don’t have to tell anyone. But don’t make excuses before we even give it a shot.” Then he starts leaving open mouth kisses on my neck and follows a trail only he knows is there up to my jaw and lets his full, pink lips hover over mine. His eyes are on my own dark pink lips and I know he is waiting for me to say yes.

 

I’m intoxicated by him and can’t find it in me to say no. “No one has to know?” I ask and look into his eyes. I need to know he won’t go running and telling his friends he bagged the lady he was working for. He shakes his head now meeting my eyes. I think he means it. And what harm could making out one time really do?

 

I close my eyes and the small space between us. My lips meet his and I don’t hold back this time. My hands go straight for his hair and I press my upper body into his. His arms wrap around me and hold me to him.  He doesn’t hesitate to slip his tongue between my lips this time. I get lost in his kiss and this time when he pulls, I let him pull me on top of him. My legs straddle him and as I settle down I try not to let my center cover his jean covered dick. I don’t want to do anything more than kiss and if I feel his erection I won’t be able to stop myself from grinding down on it. He tries to slide me down his thighs to do just that but I resist and when I pull my mouth away from his to tell him so he attacks my neck again. “We have to keep this PG or we have to stop,” I moan out as he finds a tender spot just below my ear.

 

He groans in frustration and starts talking into my neck, “You are killing me here. I want to feel more of you. Let’s go for PG-13, under the clothes action.” Then he tugs on me by my hips and since I’m not expecting it, even though I should be and I go easily. My covered wet core meets his covered hardness and I moan a little too loudly. He wraps his arms around my back again and pushes me down on to him and sparks ignite inside me. I push down and forward with my hips on to him and I can feel him pushing up against me. I knew this is a bad idea but it feels so good. I can’t help but moan over and over again as we dry hump like a couple of teenagers. I chuckle at the thought and Shawn stills and pulls away from my neck. “What’s so funny? I thought you were enjoying this and now you’re laughing,” he breathes out a little heavily.

 

“Nothing just had a funny thought. I am enjoying it,” I make my point by pushing down on him again. He groans and his head falls forward, his forehead resting on my collar bone.

 

“You might have been right, this wasn’t the best idea. Kissing was enough,” he says, sounding like he is in pain. He probably is and I feel bad but not bad enough to help him out.

 

I sigh as I let my hands fall to his shoulders. I massage them a little then slide off his lap. “Maybe you should go before its not,” I say.

 

He nods, stands and his pants are forming a tent under his jeans right at my eye level. I quickly stand up and point towards the door.

 

“The kids asked if I could come over tomorrow and play with them in the sprinklers,” he says as I open the front door. I lean on it with my hip and take him in. His hair is a little wild but only adds to his sexiness, his lips are red and a tiny bit swollen, much like my own I’m sure. I look down and consider it. The kids have already grown very fond of him and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. What happens if I somehow mess this up? Whatever this is. They would be hurt by it and likely think it’s their fault. I hate to tell him he can’t see them anymore. Either way the kids will be upset. I have a lot to think about. “If you don’t want me to that’s cool,” he continues when I take too long thinking.

 

“No, its fine. They love you,” I smile at him. “Come over whenever. We will be home all day.”

 

He smiles, takes a step closer to me and leans down. He places a peck on my lips and I can’t help but smile. “And tomorrow, none of that.”

 

 

He kisses me again, this time placing his hands on my hips and pulling me toward him until we are touching from hip to chest. He deeps the kiss just slightly and then pulls away. “I’m not sure I will be able to resist doing that again. But I can promise not to do it in front of the kids.”

 

I laugh, “Good. But I mean it. I don’t think we should kiss anymore,” I say regretfully. I really would like to kiss him again and again but I know tomorrow I’m going to regret all of this.

 

Shawn places his forehead on mine and looks into my eyes. I didn’t know brown eyes could be so beautiful. And now that we are this close and not kissing I notice a small scar on his cheek. I bring my hand up to his face and rub it gently with my thumb. He smiles and says, “Do you really think that or are you just worried about what other people will say?” He has me there and when I smile and roll my eyes he knows it too. “What about a compromise? I get to kiss you whenever I want, with the exception of in front of Hol and Hil, and neither of us tells anyone. We can get to know each other and see if we want anything more,” he suggests.  I pull my forehead from his and whimper. “Come on, Laney. You know you want me to kiss you again. Just say yes,” he says and tickles my sides a little.

 

I laugh and slap his hands away. “Fine but you can’t tell anyone at all Shawn. I mean it. We can kiss and maybe make out a little but that’s it. And you are crazy if you think you will want more but I’ll let you think what you want for now,” I concede.

 

“You are full of ‘buts’ and I never even got to touch yours,” he says as he wraps his arms around my shoulders drawing me close again. I wrap my arms around his narrow waist, bury my face into his shirt and take a deep breath, enjoying his fading cologne and natural smell. He kisses the top of my head and I can feel him smile into my hair. “I’ll be over before lunch tomorrow,” he says into my hair. I smile and hug him tighter.

 

“Ok,” is all I can muster in the moment. I don’t want to leave his warmth but I pull away anyway. He kisses my forehead one more time then walks out the still open door. I lean against it again and watch him walk to his Jeep. He gives me a small wave as he gets in, starts it and he drives away.

 

I shut the door, lock it and proceed to bang my forehead against it softly a couple times. What in the hell have I gotten myself into?

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. Anyone want to beta for me? Also, I'd still like some comments and kudos to let me know if anyone is enjoying this? And I have a title now! I'll be changing it with this update. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Updated 3/14/18 read end note

All Friday morning I can’t stop thinking about what happened the night before. I know I’m smiling like an idiot and I can’t help myself. I spend the morning with the kids, doing chores, playing outside and simply enjoying their company. It won’t be long before they won’t want to spend anytime with me and I know I have to take and enjoy what I can, while they still do.

 

We are outside kicking a ball back and forth playing a game of monkey in the middle when my phone beeps that I have a text message. I call a time out to go check it. It’s from Shawn.

 

_I’m bringing lunch. Be over soon. ;-*_

I laugh at the emoji and go back to our game. We play for another thirty minutes before I declare them the winners and we head back inside. We clean up and are watching TV when Shawn arrives with lunch. He bought tacos and a huge watermelon. We sit at the kitchen table and eat. The kids scarf down their lunch fast, ready to go out again and play in the sprinklers with Shawn, like he promised he would.

 

I let them go change the second they are done and go to cut up the watermelon. Shawn helps clean up from lunch even though I tell him not to but he insist that since he brought it over he should help. I don’t argue and let him.

 

The kids come barreling down the stairs a few minutes later and drag Shawn outside. I yell after them to make sure they put on sunscreen. It’s not long after that that they are squealing and laughing loudly. I put half of the watermelon in the refrigerator for later and carry the rest outside.

 

The first thing I notice when I step through the back door is Shawn is shirtless once again. He is chasing Hil around, while Holly stands to the side holding the water hose straight up in the air singing about dancing in the rain. I have to fan myself at the sight of the gorgeous man, dripping wet, and playing with my adorable children. To keep from staring I go back in the house and grab my book.

 

Hard as I try, I can’t seem to keep my eyes off the scene before me, off him. He catches me more than once and smiles each time. Once or twice he even winks. I laugh when he does this and it makes him smile bigger before going back to playing tag with the kids.

 

A few hours later, I have to threaten an early bedtime to get them in the house. Shawn is of no help, making the puppy dog face right along with them. I finally get them inside and make them change. Shawn grabs the bag of extra clothes he brought with him and changes too. He comes out of the downstairs bathroom wearing sweats that hang low on his hips and a black t-shirt. When he stretches I can see the bottom of his tan and toned stomach that has a thin, light patch of hair that leads down to the promise land right above his underwear waistband. He sees me staring and walks over to me, where I’m sitting at the kitchen counter between the kitchen and living room, my back to him. He stands beside me and leans down. “The kids still up stairs?” he asks. All I can do is nod. He pulls on my waist to turn my body towards him and steps in between my legs. “Good, I’ve been dying to kiss you since I left last night,” he says and then he is. It’s not a deep kiss but I feel it in my toes. I moan into his mouth and he pulls away and laughs. “You are too cute,” he says as he brushes his nose up the side of mine then back down. I’m about to kiss him again when we hear the kids coming back down stairs. He gives me a peck on the lips and turns around heading into the living room. I stare after him in a daze. He is playing with fire and he knows it.

 

The kids come down and they all sit on the couch, Hol and Hil on either side of Shawn, and they turn on a movie. When I go to join them, all three are out like a light. I smile and hold in a laugh at their positions. Shawn is slumped back, his mouth is open and has his arms wrapped around each kid. Hil is hugging the arm he has like a teddy bear and there is drool running down Shawn’s arm. Hol has her butt sticking out with her knees bent, Shawn’s arm wrapped around her side and resting on her stomach and her head is bent at a weird angle so it’s resting against his side. I pull out my phone and take a quick picture before I grab the remote and turn the TV to something I like.

 

After a couple of episodes of ‘Friends’ I get up and go to make dinner. I figure I’ll let them sleep while I cook. I start the spaghetti and get lost in the act of simply cooking for my family and Shawn. With the meat and sauce cooking, the noodles boiling and the garlic bread toasting, I start making a salad. I’m chopping the tomatoes when two strong arms wrap around my waist and I feel a pair of soft lips on my neck. I lean back into him and hum. This is nice and I could get use to it. I stiffen at the thought but let it go.

 

“Have a good nap?” I ask him and go back to chopping.

 

Shawn places his chin on my shoulder and yawns, “Yeah, those kids really wore me out.”

 

I laugh, “Try living with them.” He laughs with me and places a kiss on my shoulder.

 

“What’s for dinner?” he says as he looks around the kitchen.

 

“Spaghetti and salad, and a large glass of wine for me,” I say as I put down the knife I’m using and pick up my wine glass. He laughs, pulls it from my hand and takes a drink.

 

“I don’t know how people drink this stuff,” he says making a face. He places it back on the counter and I go back to the tomato. “Do you need any help?”

 

“No,” I shake my head. He kisses my check, goes to get the plates and sets the table. All of this is a little too surreal to me. He fits in perfectly and it’s unbelievable and scary and I don’t know if I like it or not.

 

I get everything finished and take it to the table just as the kids and Shawn make it to the table. The kids are bright eyed and I have a feeling they will be going to bed a little later than usual tonight.

 

We eat dinner, talk and then go into the living room to play a couple board games. After both Shawn and I both are defeated spectacularly at ‘Sorry,’ we decide to watch a movie. Half way through ‘Toy Story 3’ the kids fall asleep between us. I carry Holly and Shawn carries Hilton upstairs to their beds.

 

I plan on telling Shawn he needs to leave when we get back down stairs but he beats me down. He has a movie already in the DVD player and ready to go when I get there. “I guess you are staying,” I say as I take a seat next to him on the couch.

 

“Yeah, that a problem?” he asks.

 

“No, I just figured you’d have plans on a Friday night,” I state. “No parties or a girl you want to go out with?”

 

He laughs and pulls me closer, “I’m right where I want to be tonight.”

 

“So no offers then?” I joke, but really just being nosey.

 

“Actual yeah, a couple people asked me to do something but I’d rather be here with you,” he says and hits the play button on the movie. I look at him and try to understand why. When I don’t look at the TV after a minute or so he looks at me, “What?” he asks.

 

I shake my head and turn to pretend to watch the movie. I’m still not sure what it is exactly we are doing. I mean, I know we said we would get to know each other, kiss a little and see what we wanted from each other but how could he want anything from me. We are at completely different stages in our lives and I feel like if we continue this, I’ll just be holding him back. He is so young and doesn’t need to feel like he needs to be playing house with me and my children.

 

The entire time the movie is playing I’m thinking. Thinking about all of the reasons I need to end this now. That way he doesn’t waste his time with me and I don’t hurt as much as I would if we continued down this path for longer. By the time the credits are rolling across the screen I’m determined to tell him we can’t do this.

 

Shawn turns the TV off and turns to me. “You’ve been thinking hard over there,” he says a little concerned. He pulls his arm from around me shoulder and sits back a little.

 

“Yeah, it’s just that I don’t think we should be doing this. You don’t need to be here, playing house with me when you should be out having fun. I honestly don’t even understand why you would want to in the first place. I’m nothing special. And you are… you are you,” I reiterate.

 

Shawn shakes his head at me, “I get what you keep trying to say, but that’s not who I am. Just because I can go out and party, doesn’t mean I want to. I like you Laney. You! I hate that we have to keep having this conversation. I want to be here, with you and the kids. I like it. Why should I go out when all I’ll be thinking is, ‘I wish I was there’ the whole time? I don’t know how else to explain that to you. Can you please just let it go and enjoy this like I am? I want us both to enjoy our time together.”

 

“I don’t know how,” I admit. “All I keep thinking is, ‘What if your parents found out you were seeing a thirty year old woman?’ I think about what I would think if Hilton was nineteen and dating a thirty year old woman.”

 

“And?” he asks.

 

“I don’t know. I want to say I’d be ok with it as long as he was sure and happy. But I can’t say that for sure. It would depend on him and the woman,” I admit. I honestly don’t know how I’d react.

 

“There is your answer, Laney. The guy is me and the woman is you. We are a unique situation. But I think we both know this isn’t some fling. I don’t know what will happen but I do know I like you and I want to try and make this work. I will go by whatever rules you set, for now, and we can try. That’s all I’m asking,” he says. “And that we don’t have this conversation every single day. That would be nice,” he adds.

 

I consider everything he just said. As hard as I’ve tried to deny it all, I do really like him and want to be with him. “I’m scared.”

 

He frowns and gathers me in his arms. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his neck. He kisses the top of my head and says, “I know, me too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. But we have each other and we can figure out the rest as it comes.”

 

I smile into his neck. “Ok,” I whisper.

 

“Ok?” he repeats, pulling back a little to look at my face. I nod and he lets go of me so he can grab my face. Then he is kissing me and I let him. If he feels so strongly about it, about me, who am I to say we shouldn’t try this. I want it too.

 

We make out for awhile then he leaves. I feel better but I still have my doubts. I’ll keep them to myself for now and give us a shot.  

 

~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Saturday Shawn shows up with bags filled with water toys, balloons and a fancy sprinkler that has eight arms. We spend the entire day outside and use all the sunscreen I have in the house. We eat all our meals outside, never quite dry off until it’s getting dark out and we go inside. Then we all curl up on the couch and to watch a movie. The kids are out before the movie’s title even comes on and we carry them upstairs again.

 

Once they are settled in bed, we meet back on the couch, not even bothering to change the movie, mostly because we aren’t watching it. The moment we touch it’s on. All day we’ve been touching and flirting and we are both are already on edge. It’s not long before we are vertical on the couch, me on my back with his hips resting between my legs. His hands are everywhere and I can’t get enough. Mine find their way under his shirt and he quickly pulls it off. Then he is back on me. He kisses every inch of my neck, spending extra time on the sensitive spot under my ear. I can’t help my lift my hips up to grind against his and moan as quietly as I can manage.  I run my hands over his hard muscles covered in soft, warm skin. I can’t get enough of him. His lips find their way back to mine and I let one of my hands slide down his back to his ass. I grip it and pull him down against me and he groans into my mouth. Then one of his hands finds its way under my shirt and he slides it up to my breast. He pulls away to make sure I’m ok with that and I just pull him back down to me. He pushes my shirt up my stomach and over my bare breast. He palms one, getting a feel for it before he lets his fingers circle around my nipple. My areola starts to tingle and becomes taut. His lips leave mine again and he lowers his head to my chest, licking my peaked nipple before wrapping his lips around it. I whimper at the feeling and he thrust his hard, jean covered dick against my thin pajama covered center. I feel it on my clit, turning my whimper into full fledge moan. He keeps it up and when he switches his attention from one nipple to the other, I’m on the verge of coming. His hand comes back to the first one and pulls at it. I arch my back and hold back a loud moan. His mouth sucks hard at my nipple then lets it go with a pop. He licks it once more then his lips are back on mine. He pushes his hips harder into mine and I see stars, moaning into his mouth, my hands clutching at his back and ass.

 

Shawn pulls away and leans his forehead on my chest, breathing heavily. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm while dry humping,” I chuckle.

 

He laughs and pulls my shirt back down to cover me and sits up, my legs still wrapped around him. His hand comes up and runs through his hair and over his flushed face. I sit up, admiring his chest with my eyes and hands while taking a peak at the budge in his jeans. When my hands start to move lower and lower, both of Shawn’s come up to grab them. “If you don’t stop,” he starts but doesn’t finish. I nod and pull my hands into my lap. I untangle myself from him and he pulls his shirt back on. I frown at the change of view but don’t pull away when he wraps an arm around my shoulder. I curl up next to him and circle my arms around his waist. “So, that barbeque I was telling you about is tomorrow. You and the kids should come,” he says.

 

I tense up and he can’t not notice. “I don’t know if that such a good idea,” I say honestly.

 

“Why not? We don’t have to say anything about us to anyone. And Page will be there,” he says.

 

I look up at him and grimace. “That only makes it worse. And even if we didn’t say anything about us, how exactly would you explain us being there?” I ask.

 

He shrugs, “We just say I invited you. We’re friends.”

 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 

“Ok, that’s fine. Just thought I’d ask,” he says softly. I snuggle back into him. “We can wait before we do something like that.”

 

I don’t say anything else, I don’t see a time when anything like that will happen. He has said before he doesn’t see this as a fling, but I’m pretty sure that’s what this is. He will go back to school in a month and I will be here. No need to bring it up though, not yet.

 

“Since I have to be home all day tomorrow, I can’t come over until after the kids are in bed,” he says rubbing my arm.

 

“I’m going out with Page tomorrow night. Ethan has the kids,” I tell him.

 

“Oh. Well I can come over after you get home,” he says. I look up at him and he is wiggling his eyebrows at me.

 

I laugh and playful swat his stomach. “I don’t think so. It will be late and if Page has anything to say about it, I’ll be drunk off my ass,” I laugh.  “Plus I think we need to keep this from going past second base.”

 

He pulls back so he can see my whole face, “For real? Second base?” he asks, sounding astonished.

 

I laugh at little at the look of surprise on his face and nod, “Yeah, second base. That means you will have to take care of the situation currently in your pants by yourself, sorry. Sex only complications relationships and as much as I want you, we don’t need to complicate this anymore than it already is.”

 

“I total agree about the sex complication but I don’t think what we have is complicated, just unconventional. I just don’t see why it has to be second base. What we just did was much closer to third than second,” he says with another eyebrow wiggle.

 

“But it wasn’t actually third so it’s still second,” I say.

 

“Fine,” he says sounding like a spoiled brat not getting his way. “If I can’t come over, at least let me know when you get home so I don’t worry about you please.”

 

“I can do that,” I smile and give him a kiss.

 

Shawn leaves after that and I go to bed with a smile on my face.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

Sunday Ethan picks the kids up before lunch so I’m left to my own devices. I do some cleaning, get some work done but by five I’m bored. I’ve gotten a couple texts from Shawn and Page through out the day but they are busy so I’m on my own. I lie down on the couch and turn on a movie I’ve already seen and the next thing I know its eight. I’m supposed to be ready to go at eight thirty when Page will be here to pick me up. I jump up and run upstairs. I know I have longer than thirty minutes, Page is always late, but I still don’t know what I’m going to wear and my hair is a mess.

 

At eight forty three the door bell chimes and I run down the stairs trying to secure my earring in my ear. I grab my going out purse from the closet along with my light jacket, rush to my purse on the kitchen counter, grab my wallet and phone before heading for the door as the door bell sounds again. “I’m coming, shesh,” I yell out. I yank the door open and pick up my keys from the key rack by the door and I’m met by Page with her hands on her hips.

 

“You ready?” she asks. I nod and shut the door behind me before locking it. As we walk to her car I see she is wearing tight black pants and a pretty, flowing, purple blouse that shows a lot of her cleavage. Her long blonde hair is half up, held up by a purple clip. And she’s wearing three inch heeled, knee high, black boots. She looks a lot better than I do that’s for sure. I just went with a little tighter than my usual jeans, a black baby doll shirt and black strappy sandals. My hair is up in a messy bun and I only put on some black eyeliner and a dark lip stain. From the glimpse I saw of her a second ago she went all out with her makeup. She does it to get a rise out of her husband. He thinks we go out to flirt with guys and when she gets home he puts in extra effort to make her happy. In reality, we go to the same bar we always go to, drink margaritas mostly, and talk about him, Ethan, the kids, our parents, work, or whatever else. Then we go home shit faced and happy.

 

We get the kids and work out of the way on the way to the bar and soon are sitting at a small table by the front window of our favorite bar. We each have a margarita and a shot of tequila already and Page is giving me that look. The look that says, ‘Ok, start talking before I drag it out of you painfully.’

 

“So that neighbor’s kid, have you seen him?” I ask, figuring it’s the best place to start.

 

“Ha, yeah today. His pretty hot. Why?” she asks as she lips her straw.

 

“Seriously? Had you not seen him before today?”

 

“I saw a couple pictures when we took over the cookies. Why?” she asks.

 

“I wasn’t expecting a fucking Greek god when I opened my door, Page. That’s why. A little warning would have been nice,” I chastise her.

 

She laughs, “Oh, that’s what all this is about? So what if he’s hot? A little eye candy never hurt anyone.”

 

I blush and say, “Have you seen him without a shirt?”

 

“No. Have you?” she asks curiously.

 

“Um, yeah, a few times. It’s like he is allergic or something. Every time he is outside he takes it off. If I had a body like that, I’d probably be shirtless all the time too,” I tell her.

 

“That good?”

 

All I can do is nod as I pick up my shot, lick the salt off the rim and throw it back. I put the glass back on the table and pick up the lime, shoving it in my mouth. I wince as the liquor burns down my throat and the tartness of the lime covers my tongue. “No, that bad,” I retort with a small cough. “It’s the closest I’ve ever been to actual torture.”

 

Page throws her head back and laughs loudly, causing a few people around us to look our way. “You should have made a move, had rebound sex with him. He could have been your way to ease back into the game.”

 

I chuckle, “I knew you were going to say that.”

 

“Nothing wrong with rebound sex. I had a few before I really started dating after Paul. And no one would blame you. Ethan is already dating. So what if the guy is young? Men do it all the time,” she says.

 

I stir my drink with my straw and try to decide if I should tell her more. I know I had decided not to but now that I have a shot and half a margarita in me, it feels like I should.

 

“Plus, it’s not like you want a relationship with him. He might be technically legal, but he is still a child,” she says and making the decision for me. Everything she says confirms all my doubts. I shouldn’t be seeing him. He is too young and people will look at me when they, if, they find out. I’m the adult, I’m the older one. 

 

“Yeah, right,” I agree looking down at my drink. If I don’t hurry up and change the subject I’ll end up being a sad drunk and Page will know something is up. “So, have you and Todd decided where you are going for vacation yet?”

 

 

Thankful she takes the bait and we move on. I’m able to lose myself in our conversation and not think too much about Shawn. That’s until the car ride home. Page was the designated driver tonight and only had the one shot and drink but made sure my drink was always full. So when she says, “The barbeque was interesting today. You aren’t the only one that noticed how hot Shawn is,” I gasp loudly. Crap! I have to keep my cool here so she doesn’t suspect anything.

 

“Oh, yeah?” I try to ask innocently.

 

She gives me a like out of the corner of her eye but lets it slide. “Yeah, every girl in the neighborhood from age ten to forty was all over him. I swear there was a line at one point. He was always really polite though. He would smile and talk with them before excusing himself. But it didn’t matter, the second he left one mooning after him, another would take her place,” she says.

 

“Oh,” is all I can get out.

 

“Yeah, only one girl seemed to keep his attention for longer than a few minutes. You remember that girl that use to babysit for me before I left Paul, Samantha?” I nod, not trusting my voice right now. “Well, she’s back from college for the summer I guess. They seemed to be getting cozy. She was hanging all over him and he wasn’t pushing her away.”

 

“Maybe she was just more persistent than the others,” I offer.

 

“I don’t know. He didn’t seem to be trying to get away from her. Whispering in her ear and getting her drinks,” she tells me.

 

Thank God we are at my house now because I can’t listen to anymore. I grab my purse and say, “Well, thanks for the girls’ night. See you next week.” Then I haul ass to the front door as I dig in my purse for my keys. I turn and wave once I have the door open and see her waving back with a frown. I slam the door shut behind me and slide down it. Of course that’s when my phone beeps letting me know I have a text message. Without looking, I know it will be Shawn checking to see if I’ve made it home yet. I debates texting him back in my current state after hearing what I just heard.

 

Fuck it, I’m doing it. I dig it out of my bag and unlock it.

_Hey sexy, make it home yet? Need a ride ;)_

I smile. Then bang my head against the door behind me. “Do not let him get to you,” I say out loud.

 

_Just got in. Heard you had a fun day. Lots of girls to keep you entertained, as well as Page, watching them throw themselves at you._

 

Send. I will regret it in the morning but right now I don’t care. I stand up and stumble a little but don’t fall. “She wibbles and she wobbles, but she don’t fall down,” I sing. I laugh and fall into the door. When I finally have control over myself again, I start for the stairs. Half way up my phone beeps again. I sit down on the stairs to read it. I don’t trust myself standing up.

 

_Yeah, the women in this neighborhood are handsy. Try as I might, I couldn’t seem to escape all the pinches. Both sets of cheeks hurt. Want to kiss them better for me?_

Kiss it better? “Oh no he didn’t.”

 

_Samantha too busy?_

 

I get back up and make it the rest of the way up the stairs. I drop my phone on my bed and go into the bathroom. I strip and get in the shower. I feel sticky from the bar. It doesn’t matter how many times they wipe down those tables, someone always spills on them and they never quite get completely clean. I stand under the water and try not to think about anything but the water cascading over me. I stick my head completely under the shower head and hold my breath for a minute. When my lungs start to burn a little, I lift my head toward the ceiling so the water is now hitting my throat and take a huge gulp of air. After that I shower quickly, not bothering to do more than dry quickly, and head to my bed. My hair is still dripping down my back when I pull the covers down the bed and crawl in between the sheets. I snuggle in my huge, king size bed and enjoy the soft, warmness.

 

My phone beeps again and the room lights up from the notification on the screen. I reach over and grab it. I have three new texts. One is from Page saying she just got home and Todd has the furry handcuffs waiting. I laugh and text her back, letting her know I’m ok and telling her to have fun. The other two are from Shawn.

 

_Oh god, don’t remind me about her. She was the worst of them all. She couldn’t take a hint to save her life. I’m not surprised Page noticed. I swear I tried to get away from her at least ten separate times but she found me every time. I had to hide in the bathroom for thirty minutes before she gave up and went home. It was kinda sad honestly._

I feel like an idiot. I jumped to conclusions before hearing his side. And honestly, I don’t know if what he says is true or not either. He could be lying but he hasn’t yet, to my knowledge. The next text is a lot shorter.

 

_Did you fall asleep?_

I smile at that one. He is so concerned about me and it’s so sweet. So I text him back.

 

_No. I was in the shower. Now I’m in bed._

He’s reply comes seconds after I hit send.

 

_Naked?_

I bit my lip and smile.

 

_Yes. How did you know? Stalking me? Should I check the windows to make sure there isn’t a peeping tom?_

He’s reply makes me laugh out into the empty room.

 

_If you do it’s not me. Maybe I should come over and check for myself. If you hear something outside that sounds like a pervert getting his ass kicked, don’t worry about it. I’ll knock when I’m done with him._

Then another text comes in before I can even type a reply.

 

_You weren’t worried about that Samantha chick, were you?_

I groan and dig my face into my pillow. It’s wet from my hair but I really don’t care at the moment. The coolness against my alcohol and embarrassment fueled flushed cheeks, feels nice.

 

_What if I was?_

Damn tequila makes me a little too honest sometimes.

 

_Well, you shouldn’t be. All I want is you. Just you._

Then another.

 

_Get some sleep beautiful. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mwah._

I say goodnight then put my phone on the night stand before digging myself further into the bed and passing out with a smile.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to make some changes to this chapter because I got the timeline a little confused and didn't take the time to carefully look through everything to figure it out before I posted this and chapter four. Sorry! I'm going to put what more on what I changed on chapter five's AN. Sorry!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. I'm horrible with grammar if you couldn't tell already. Sorry. 
> 
> I can't believe how fast I'm putting this out. I think there will only be a few more chapters. I'm not sure exactly how many. Please comment or leave a kudos. I'm loving this story but it seems like I might be the only one.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Update 3/14/18  
> When I say mistakes are mine I don't mess around. I changed a few things in this chapter and will explain in the next chapters AN. Sorry!

SM RPF

Chapter 4

Monday I wake up with a hangover but it’s manageable. Shawn stops by with Starbucks and a kiss. I smile into the kiss and he leaves. He has a few jobs lined up this week and can’t stay even though he says he wishes he could. The kids come home just after he pulls away and we spend a quit day inside. Nothing gets done and we are all lazy.

 

I’m making dinner with the kids when he comes back. He’s all hot and sweaty from working outside all day. I tell him to relax on the couch while we finish the chicken, rice, veggies and salad. Then we sit down and eat together. It feels so natural and I don’t even give it a second thought now. It’s only been a week and he already fits in so well with us. It amazes me how easy it’s been.

 

After dinner, we take big bowls of ice cream into the living room and watch movies. The kids start to nod off and I take them upstairs so we don’t have to carry them. Surprisingly they don’t ask for Shawn to tuck them in. I make sure they brush their teeth, change and then read them a couple books before I tuck them in with a kiss and a hug.

 

“You seem tired, maybe you should go home and get some sleep,” I suggest as I sit back on the couch next to Shawn.

 

He has melted into the couch as the night has progressed and rolls his head to look at me with a lazy smile. “No way. I don’t want to go home to an empty bed when I can stay here and cuddle with you on the couch,” he says. He reaches for me and pulls me to him.

 

He pouts when I pull away a little. I nod at him, “Lay down, we’ll be more comfortable that way.” He doesn’t even wait for me to finish before he is stretching out. I climb over him and fill the space between him and the back of the couch, laying my head on his chest. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and buries his face into the top of my head. He hums lazily, using his other hand, he grabs my thigh and pulls it up and over his leg then it moves to my arm that is lying on his chest to stoke it up and down.

 

I reach for the remote over our heads on the couch arm and start surfing channels for something to watch. When I get to a Harry Potter movie he tells me to stop. I laugh at him and he swats at my shoulder. “You would like Harry Potter,” I tease.

 

“Hush, this parts good,” he says seriously and I smile into his chest.

 

We end up watching the rest of that movie and the next one that comes on. Shawn falls asleep in the middle of the second one and I can’t find it in me to wake him just yet. I snuggle into him and enjoy his warmth. I feel myself starting to fall asleep and know its time to get him up. If I don’t the kids will likely find us like this in the morning and will want an explanation. Or worse, they won’t need one and will be way to excited that we are seeing each other.

 

I turn off the TV then rub Shawn’s chest and whisper in his ear, “Time to wake up sleepy head.”

 

He groans and turns his head so I can’t reach his ear anymore. I smile and bring my hand up to his face. I push the little hairs that are lying on his forehead up and just look at him. He looks so much younger when he is asleep. He mumbles something like, “No, I dun wanna.” I laugh quietly and stroke his cheek.

 

“You gotta go home. Sleep in your bed,” I say as I lean forward and kiss his chin. He smiles a little but still doesn’t open his eyes. “Come on, Shawn. I want to go to bed too. It’s late.”

 

He whines but finally opens his eyes. “Do I gotta?” he complains.

 

I smile and kiss his lips. “As mush as I want you to stay, you can’t. You don’t have any thing here and the kids will defiantly notice if you come out of my room instead of coming in the front door,” I say.

 

He kisses my again then lifts his arms over his head to stretch. I go to climb over him and he grabs me by my hips to keep me on top of him. “Where do you think you are going?” he asks.

 

“I was going to go to bed,” I say as I place my hands on either side of his head.

 

“Really? I don’t even get a good night kiss?” he pouts.

 

I laugh and give him a quick peck on the lips. “There. All better now?” I ask.

 

He sticks out his bottom lip and shakes his head. “That’s it? That’s all I get after a hard day of work. A cuddle and a peck?”

 

I shake my head at him. “What do you think you deserve?”

 

His eyes brighten and I know I should have worded that question a little differently. All of a sudden he is flipping us over and has me pinned to the couch where he was just a second ago, his hands intertwined with mine beside my shoulders. The air is sucked from my lungs as he attacks my mouth with his. I moan into his mouth as he grinds his hips into mine, letting his full weight rest on top of me. I pull at my hands but he won’t let go. He starts to move his lips down my jaw, over my chin, down my throat to my sweet spot. I wrap my legs around his waist and yank on my hands again. This time he lets go, my hands move to his hair and arm, his hands go into my hair and my thigh. He grips my thigh tightly, pushing it into him then he sucks hard at my neck and my back arches. “Fuck,” I hiss as his hips dig into mine and a wave of pleasure shoots from my core to my extremities. The hand in my hair moves to my waist as he holds my hips down so he can press into me how he wants. I can’t do anything but tug at his hair a little harder, dig my nails into his arm and take whatever he gives. I’m panting and he is sucking and it’s amazing.

 

We make out like that for a while. I finally push him away, both of us out of breath and a little sweaty. I have a deep ache in my belly and I really want to pull him upstairs to my bed room but I won’t. He looks at me, taking in my wild hair, flushed cheeks and open mouth trying to suck in cool air. He looks thoroughly fucked as well. His hair is a mess too, since I had at least one hand in his hair the entire time, his face is red and his lips are swollen from kissing me hard, repeatedly. “What?” he asks as he props himself up over me.

 

“Nothing, I just think maybe we should stop,” I whisper not wanting to disrupt the quiet around us.

 

I shouldn’t be surprised when he just nods but I am. I think any other guy would have protested and suggest we go to bed, but not him. He just kisses me on the forehead and gets up. “You’re right. I should go. I have a lot to do tomorrow.”

 

I sit up too. He pulls on his shoes he let fall to the floor earlier. “Are you coming over tomorrow?” I ask a little shyly.

 

He shakes his head and ties his shoes before sitting back up. “No, I have a full day and I promised my mom I’d be home for dinner.”

 

“Oh,” is all I can think to say.

 

“But I did want to ask you if you wanted to come to open mic night on Wednesday. I’m gonna play a few songs,” he says looking at me.

 

“You play an instrument?” I ask a little shocked.

 

“Yeah, guitar. A little piano. And I sing,” he says with a wink.

 

I swat his shoulder. “What do you sing?” I ask.

 

“A little this, a little that,” he shrugs with a bashful smile. “So will you come?” he asks again.

 

“I don’t know,” I start but he jumps in.

  
“Don’t start with, ‘What do we tell people?’ stuff. It’s just an open mic night at a bar. No one has to know we are there together. You can even go separately if that makes you feel better,” he tries to convince me.

 

“Well the kids are going to their grandparents Wednesday night. I guess I could go alone,” I say.

 

His bright smile is all I need to see to know that was the right thing to say. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me close. “Awesome,” he says into my hair. Then he pulls back and kisses me slow and long. It makes my entire body tingle. He pulls away and says, “I’m gonna go.”

 

I walk him to the door where he kisses me for another five minutes before I finally have to push him out the door. It’s close to midnight by now. I yawn, lock the door and check to make sure all the lights are off and all the other doors are locked before I go upstairs and crawl into bed.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Tuesday flies by with a few texts from Shawn and a quick five minute call before bed. Wednesday my mom picks the kids up at lunch time, having promised them happy meals and then I’m alone again. I spend the afternoon working. I try to do some cleaning but don’t do much more than a couple loads of laundry before I find myself in my closet trying to figure out what to wear tonight. Page and I had gone to the bar Shawn is playing at tonight only once. It was when we first met and where getting to know each other. It was a little younger crowd and although at the time we were that age, we didn’t really fit in. We were married and both had kids. Everyone around us seemed to be in college or just finished with it. We might have been the same age but our lives couldn’t have been any more different from theirs. That was years ago. I stand in front of everything I own and try to think of something to wear. I push hangers back and forth, back and forth. I have a couple shirts I’ve had for years that are probably something you’d see there but I’m not sure I can pull off anymore. The few dresses I have are either too dressy or too frilly. I figure jeans are the way to go but can’t settle on a top. I don’t want to look out of place or worse show my age. I consider calling Page to see if she has anything I can borrow but throw that thought out because she’ll want to know why and then she’ll want to go with me. I hadn’t told her what I was planning on doing tonight. She already made her opinion on dating younger men. So I’m on my own. Maybe I could go shopping. I look at the clock and groan. It’s eight. He said he was on at ten. I have plenty of time to get ready but not enough to go shopping and then get ready. I grab a plain long, black, flowy tank top with a high neck and my trusty black gladiator sandals.

 

I spend the next hour doing my hair. I do it, grimace, and do it again. I end up with a head scarf on, like a head band, holding my short hair in place. It’s not the best I can do but I’m starting to get flustered. Why am I so nervous? He is the one that is going to be in front of people singing, not me. I pull my clothes on and take a few calming breathes. Then I head down stairs for a glass of wine. I down it and go back upstairs to put on my make up. I take calm, even stokes when I’m putting on my eyeliner. I don’t want to mess up and have to start all over. It takes ten minutes. I pop a Xanax and grab my phone to get an Uber. There is no way I’m driving tonight. I should have just told Page what I was up to and she could have driven. It’s too late for that now.

 

Thirty minutes later I’m finally ready and my Uber is on the way. My phone beeps and I figure my car is here so I head outside. I look at my phone and see its Shawn.

 

_Are you still coming?_

I’ve told him three times today I’d be there. He has told me multiple times he is nervous for me to see him preform so all I can do is smile at the latest text.

 

_On my way now!_

 

I hit send and the Uber pulls up. I get in and try to make small talk with the guy but I can’t even remember his name. I could look but now that I’m in the car, I’m getting nervous again. Shawn mentioned earlier that a few of his friends were going to be there. He said he couldn’t wait to introduce me and I had almost backed out then. But then he had mentioned the nerves thing and I couldn’t do that to him. I told him I would not be meeting his friends tonight and had received a pouting face selfie a couple minutes later. I told him that wasn’t going to work and then received a shirtless picture from his neck down. I told him that wasn’t going to work either then saved it. He finally said there wasn’t any way around it. If his friends saw us they would introduce themselves. I had a plan for avoiding that. I hadn’t told him that though.

 

When I get to the bar I look around. There is a large bar top that runs almost the entire wall to the right of the entrance. The floor between it and the other wall is filled with tables. At the middle of the left side wall there is a stair case that leads up to an open balcony area. I know from last time I was here that there are large doors up there that lead to a out door patio but there are tables inside that you can sit at and still see the bar and stage from. I ducked my head and headed to the left corner. From here I can see the whole bar. The balcony hangs over the area and it is really dark back here. I can hide until I am ready to show myself or leave, I haven’t decided yet. The bar is packed for a Wednesday but luckily I find a small table against the back wall. I sit and a waitress comes to take my drink order. Now that I am more relaxed I ordered a Jack and coke and a glass of water. I looked around and thankfully don’t see anyone I know. It isn’t long before I spot Shawn above the crowd. He isn’t the tallest guy in the place but close. He is standing next to a tall table surrounded by people. I get my phone out and send him a text.

 

_I see you._

I watch as he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his phone. He smiles and begins looking around for me. The guy next to him hits him in the arm and seems to be teasing him. He laughs and looks some more. When he doesn’t find me he starts texting.

 

_Where are you? I don’t see you._

I hold in a laugh.

 

_I’ll never tell._

He reads my text and shakes his head.

 

_Then how do I know you are even here. You might just be saying that._

He starts looking around again. When he peers into the dark corner I turn my head to the side and take a drink of my water the waitress just left for me. He doesn’t seem to think I’m there and looks back at his phone waiting for me to text him back.

 

_What did the guy next to you say a second ago? The one wearing the preppy pink polo shirt._

He’s eyebrows knit together as he looks at the guy next to him.

 

_Ok. I guess you are here. Are you going to come say hello?_

I think about it for a second. Shawn is frowning at his phone and one of the girls at the table gets up and walks over to him. She puts her hand on his arm and starts talking to him. She’s pretty. She’s a lot shorter than him, even shorter than me. She has on a tight black dress and tall black boots and her platinum blonde hair is curled to perfection. And I’m over here being a creeper watching him from a distance.

 

_Maybe after you’re done signing._

He looks back down at his phone and frowns again. The girl rubs up and down his back. He smiles politely at her and then leans toward pink polo shirt and says something. He picks up his drink, finishes it and walks toward the stage.

 

I text him one last time before he gets on stage.

 

_Good luck. Mwah._

I watch as he reads it. He smiles and looks around again before getting on the small stage in front of the entire bar. I have to admire him for it. He looks so calm and collected as he picks up his guitar and stands in front of the stool that’s in front of the microphone. He strums it and makes some adjustments then pulls the mic a little closer.

 

“Hi, my name is Shawn Mendes. The first song I’m going to play for you is ‘Use Somebody’ by Kings of Leon.”

 

He starts playing and the bar gets quit. His voice is amazing to say the least. It’s raspy and fucking sexy. I already thought so but his signing voice is so much more. Even with the occasional voice crack, he has won the crowd over completely. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a bar so quiet before. He’s voice carries without impediment. I feel tears gather in my eyes watching him. His eyes close and he bleats it out. He is really into it and it’s not hard to feel it. And then it’s over before I know it. The bar cheers as I wipe at the tears that have made their way down my face. I’ve never cried when someone was preforming before. I’m not sure how I feel about that. That might have been even better than the original. But I don’t have time to really contemplate that before he starts another song.

 

“I wasn’t planning on playing this song but I feel like it’s kind of appropriate after the last couple of text I got before I got up here. This next song is called ‘Here’ by Alessia Cara.”

 

He did not just say that. I feel my face instantly heat up. Thank god no one is looking at me. All eyes are on him. I try not to think on it to hard because I know this song too. It’s still pop but it’s different than the Kings of Leon song. I can’t believe that his voice works so well with both songs. This time it’s less raspy, more breathy and still so fucking sexy. His eyes close for almost the entire song and he has a bounce going to the beat. How is a bounce sexy? How can someone so young exude sex? He does and he does it so effortlessly. I notice the women in the bar are slowly but surely making their way toward the stage. I can’t fault them in the slightest. If I wasn’t hiding I’d be up there with them. When he finishes the girls go wild. I see the girl in the tight black dress and the tall boots right in the front. He is grinning from ear to ear. He wipes at his brow with the back of his hand and black dress offers him her drink. He takes it gratefully and chugs it. Everyone whoops and he laughs, covering his mouth. He hands her the glass back and says, “Ok, one more then I’m done. This last song is called ‘Shape of You’ by Ed Sheeran.”

 

I cover my mouth with my hand to quiet my laughter. I use this song as my ring tone for Page. He’s heard it numerous times and knows who it is because of it. I wonder if this one is meant for me too or he just likes it.

 

He is singing his heart out, smiling at all the people crowded around and they are loving it. I can’t believe I hadn’t heard him sing before tonight and kind of feel cheated that he hasn’t sung for me before. He is so full of energy and you can feel it. He belongs on a stage. He shouldn’t be doing home repair or mowing lawns. How has he not been discovered yet? He is so comfortable up there.

 

He finishes and says, “Thanks everyone.” Then he puts his guitar back in that case and steps off the stage. The bar comes back to life and his friends surround him. They are all clapping him on the back and telling him how great he was. Black dress has wrapped herself around his arm and pink polo hands him a drink. He is all smiles. I smile along with him. They lead him back to the table they have been occupying since I walked in and he sits.

 

I watch as he talks with everyone and women practically form a line to talk to him, black dress never leaves his side and actual seems to have a friend now. He has managed to peel her off of him though. That doesn’t seem to bother her any. She keeps contact with him in some way at all times. I kind of want to laugh at her desperate attempt to stake her claim. I’m surprisingly not jealous. I know this is where he should be. I’ve been fooling myself thinking we can have something together. He is fooling himself too if he thinks he is ready for the kind of relationship I want. Seeing him talking to all these women doesn’t make me jealous at all, it makes me sad. I feel my eyes water again. I quickly down my drink and throw a twenty on the table. I grab my bag and head for the door.

 

Outside the air is humid but cooler than inside. I take a deep breath and let the thick air fill my lungs before I sigh heavily and go in search of a taxi. As I start walking I feel a hard grab my arm.

 

“Where are you going?” I hear and I turn. He is smiling that big smile and there is a single curl that’s escaped falling over his forehead. His face is flush and sweaty from the lights on the stage I assume, probably a little from the adrenaline I’m sure is coursing through his veins right now as well. I smile sadly at him.

 

“I’m going home. It’s late,” I say and he tightens his hand around my arm and steps closer to me. I look up at him and he looks down at me and I can’t seem to breathe anymore. “You were amazing,” I whisper.

 

“Yeah?” he asks quietly and then wraps his arms around me. After being in the bar and singing his voice sounds a little tired. I nod, he smiles and pulls me even closer then he is kissing me softly. Just a brush of his lips over mine that cause my skin to burst out in goose bumps, ‘every time’ I think. He pulls away and meets my eye. “Why did you hide?”

 

I shake my head. “I don’t know,” I admit. “I just wanted to watch you, I guess.”

 

He smiles and kisses me softly again. “Is that so? Did you like what you saw?”

 

I nod and finally allow myself to touch him. I bring my arms around him and my hands slide up his back to his shoulders. “It was enlightening.”

 

He smiles down at me and kisses me again but this time he really kisses me. I clutch at his back forgetting me are standing on the sidewalk in front of a bar. It all fades away and there is only me and him. He lets up and pecks my lips a couple times. He stands there, looking into my eyes, smiling down at me as I do the same to him. I can’t help it. He amazes me in every way. It’s going to be hard to let him go. It’s going to hurt. I know I shouldn’t but I’m going to allow myself this and the couple of days more I will probably take too.

 

The bars down swings open fast as Shawn dips back down to kiss me again. I hear loud giggling behind him but try to ignore it. “Oh, shit. Who is Shawn kissing?”

 

I pull away from his lips and let my face fall into his shirt. He turns to see who it is but I don’t have to. Even though I never heard her voice I know its black dress. I pull away from Shawn, who tries to keep me close to him. “I’m going to go. You really were amazing,” I tell him when he looks back at me. I give him a smile and start to walk the way I was headed before he caught up to me.

 

“Hey,” he calls and chases after me. I hear the girl and her friends calling out to him to come back. “Hey, are you really just going to leave?”

 

I stop and let him step in front of me. I really don’t want to look at them anymore. I cross my arms and say, “Yeah, the kids will be home tomorrow morning. I need to go home and get some sleep. You should go back and take it all in. Hang with your friends and let everyone praise you.”

 

He looks at me confused. “What? No. I can go with you. I want to go with you.”

 

I shake my head and reach out to touch his chest. “No, you stay. Have fun,” I insist. “You can come over tomorrow if you want but you should stay.”

 

He looks down at my hand on his chest and brings his hand up to it. He wraps his fingers around my hand and looks back at me. “Are you sure? I can go grab my guitar and we can go.”

 

“No, Shawn. You stay. I’ll be fine. I promise,” I smile weakly at him. He searches my eyes for a second before he nods. He brings our hands down and the other hand comes up to my neck. He pulls me to him and kisses me, slow and deep. It almost makes me reconsider taking him home with me.

 

“I’ll be over as soon as I can tomorrow,” he says against my lips. I nod and kiss him again.

 

When he finally lets go of me I walk away as fast as I can. I shouldn’t be here. I’m glad I came but I don’t belong. He does. I just have to figure out a way to let him go and that he doesn’t try to follow me again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made changes to the last chapter. Just a few small things but if you don’t want to reread it I understand. I changed Laney telling Page that she didn’t want to go out for girls’ night. If you want more or an explanation read the end note, it will be mostly rambling. Also, lemon warning. Look for - JY – before and after if you don’t want to read it. It’s not sex though, just a lot of touching and other stuff. ;) Hope you enjoy!

It’s raining when I wake up Thursday. I lay in bed looking out the window, watching the rain hit the glass. I don’t get up until the kids get home around ten. Then we laze about. We seem to be doing a lot of that lately but today is the day for it. We build a fort in the living room but this time we move all the furniture out of the way and use almost every blanket we own. It’s big with multiple rooms inside. The kids each claim one for them-selves and fill it with toys, books and snacks. We turn on a movie and eat lunch on the floor.

 

Shawn text me as we turn on another movie saying he just got up and is on his way. He was supposed to do some landscaping today but with the weather he can’t. He shows up not to long after with bags of snacks and ice cream. He joins us in our fort and that’s how we spend rest of the day, watching movies, playing games and eating.

 

After a dinner of finger foods, I tell the kids to pack a bag to go to their dad’s. They have some stuff at his house but they are going for a long weekend. He has taken Friday off to spend some extra time with them. I tell them not to worry about the fort as they grab their bags and we meet their dad at the door. Shawn is still in the fort, hiding I suspect, and when I get the kids out the door I crawl my way back in to find him.

 

He has done some redecorating while I was sending the kids off. Most of the walls have come done and he has made a little nest for us in front of the TV. He is laying down with his arm under his head looking for something to watch on Netflix. I crawl on my hands and knees over to him and he smiles at me patting the space next to him. I lay my head on his chest, lay my arm over his stomach and pull my leg up over his. He wraps his arm around me and turns on a movie. We lay like that for awhile until I can’t take it anymore. Without saying a word I climb on top of him, straddling his waist and lean on my hands placed next to his head. He brings his hands up to my thighs and rubs them up and down.

 

“Hi,” I say softly with a smile.

  
“Hi,” he whispers. I lean down and kiss him lazily. He hums against my lips. I pull back and smile again.

 

“I’m going to have to start getting ready to go out with Page soon,” I tell him.

 

Frowning he says, “Do you have to?”

 

I shake my head at him. He has been hinting all day that he had no plans and didn’t want to be bored all by himself at home, alone in his room. I knew exactly what he was getting at but I’m not changing my plans. I need some time away from him. I need to drink and talk to my best friend and forget about life. Page and I have already decided on taking an Uber tonight so we can both drink and she is suppose to be here at eight thirty to pick me up. Since we are taking Uber she might actually be here on time for a change. It’s already seven now.

 

“I told you I was going tonight. You should go out too. Hang out with your friends,” I suggest. He pouts and I kiss his bottom lip that’s sticking out a little.

 

“I’d rather stay right here with you all night,” he says against my lips. Then he is rolling us over so he is hovering over me. “Just you and me in the fort,” kiss, “no kids,” kiss, “no where to be,” kiss, “all night.”

 

I laugh as he moves his kisses to my neck and his hands go to the bottom of my shirt where he tugs at it. I lift up and let him pull it off. He throws it behind him and then pulls off his shirt too and it joins mine on the floor somewhere. He then digs his hand under me and undoes my bra. I let him pull that off too. I expect him to attack but he doesn’t move. He just looks down at me. “Roll over,” he says softly. I look at him confused but do as he says. I lay my head on top of my crossed arms and he settles on my thighs and I can feel his dick grow hard on the underside of my ass as his hands start massaging my lower back. “This ok?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” I moan. He laughs and starts working his way up my back. The higher he gets the more his erection presses into my ass. I have a hard time not pushing back. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is his hands kneading my muscles. It feels amazing. The sunscreen incident was only a taste of his abilities. He presses his fingers into my sore muscles with the prefect amount of pressure and works out knots like an expert. It’s not long before I’m a pile of mush under his ministrations. He spends at least twenty minutes massaging my back before he starts kissing it. He starts at the bottom again, but this time he kisses and licks his way up. I get chills when he licks then blows against my skin and my entire body reacts. I feel goose bumps break out all over and my nipples harden and come to a point. He isn’t even to the middle of my back when I can’t stand it anymore and roll over under him. He is smile at me but doesn’t move, just continues on like he has been. My hands thread through his hair as he kisses up my stomach to my sternum. When he doesn’t stray to either of my breast I whine. He smiles and laughs against my skin.

 

“Something the matter?” he asks looking up at me but not letting his lips leave my skin.

 

I tighten my fingers in his hair and pout, “Yes, you aren’t being through enough. I know for a fact you missed two C cup sized areas.”

 

He chuckles into my collarbone loudly. “Oh, is that right?” I nod fast. “I’d better fix that then,” he says as he goes back down the way he came.

 

**\- JY –**

 

I let my arms slide down the back of his head, down his neck, over his bare shoulders, and down to his biceps. They flex as I grip onto them and I can feel his muscles ripple under my fingers. His mouth finally moves to my left but he goes under my breast instead of on to it. I whimper. “Stop teasing me,” I beg.

 

He smiles against my skin again but finally listens. He flattens his tongue on the underside of my breast and licks up and over the curve of it to the tip of my pebbled nipple. When his mouth closes around it I want to cry from the contact. He circles my nipple with his tongue over and over then lets his teeth drag across my skin. I moan and arch up into him, digging my fingers into his arm. He moans with me and one of his arms wraps around me, using his hand to hold me up as he leaves a trail of licks and nips to my other nipple. He takes a board lick at my right nipple and then blows on it making it harden further almost painfully. I whimper again and he closes his lips around it. He sucks at it before he lets his tongue lap at it inside his mouth. I run my hands back up his arms to his neck then into his hair again. I tug at the roots, I can’t take much more. He willing lets me pull him away from my breast and guide him to my lips. His lips touch mine and I kiss him as passionately as I can, my tongue dominating over his, willing him to give as much as he can and then some. My hands make their way to his neck, down over his chest to his jeans. I palm him with one hand and he groans into my mouth. I quickly unbutton his jeans and pull down the zipper. I need him now. He tries to pull way but I don’t let him. I follow his lips with mine. He smiles against me and then my hand is down his pants, into his boxer briefs and he is moaning as I wrapper my hand around his dick. Its hard, weeping and feels large in my small hand. It’s my turn to moan with him and I start to pump him. He finally manages to pull away from me but I don’t let him get far. I latch my lips to his collar bone and suck hard. I know it will leave a mark but he doesn’t seem to mind as he tilts his head to the side so I can trail my lips higher up his neck to suck on another spot.

 

“Fuck Laney, what are we doing here?” he asks me as I continue to stoke him at a slow pace, squeezing every time I get to his head. He brings his hand down to my forearm to try and stop me but I just use my wrist to keep going. “Laney, I,” he stammers. I start brushing my thumb over his slit now. He grabs me by my hair and pulls my mouth to his. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and I start to pump harder. I use my other hand to push his jeans and boxer briefs down a bit so I can work him easier. Once I have them half way down his ass I stop.

 

I let go of him and push against his chest. “Lay down,” I breathe out heavily looking him in the eyes. He looks back and forth between mine trying to read me. I smile and say it again. He nods at me and lies down. I sit on my knees beside him and pull his pants and underwear down just a little more so I can see all of him. He is defiantly larger than my ex, all my ex’s to be honest. I always thought I’d been cursed, I knew guys could have bigger dicks, I just never seemed to be with a guy that wasn’t bigger than five inches.  But not Shawn. He is well over five inches long, thick and uncircumcised. My walls clench and I feel my panties get wetter. I look up at him and he is grinning at me. “What?” I ask feeling my face turn a little red.

 

“Nothing,” he says with a shake of his head. He has his arms crossed behind his head and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen anything sexier than him lying back naked from his thighs up. His hair is a mess, his chest and stomach are perfectly chiseled, and then there is my very own personal happy trail that does in fact lead to the holiest land of all. I knew it would. I lick my lips and look back up at his face. His eyes have gone dark. I smirk at him and lean over his chest. I start at his neck, at the small hickey I gave him a minute ago and begin licking, kissing, sucking, and biting my way down. I stop at his nipples and give each a quick nip before I lick them. I try to take in every little detail, every flaw and imperfection, but my eyes always go back to his. He has his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and he looks like he is fighting letting his eyes close. I smile as I lick down his abs, letting my tongue fall and rise over his taut muscles. When I get to his happy trail I go to the right. I lip and tongue down one side of his Adonis belt then move to his thigh. I bite it then move over the other. I bite that one too and lick my way back up his Adonis belt again being carefully to avoid his cock completely. He is groaning and moaning and I can see his biceps straining beside his ears as he fights to keep them where they are.

 

“Do you want me to stop teasing you?” I ask. He nods then shakes his head. “Which is it?” I laugh. Then I lower my head right over his manhood and exhale a breath.

 

He shivers and says, “Please.”

 

Smiling, I say, “Well since you asked so nicely.” I grab him at the base of his dick, stand it straight up and pull down to reveal the head of his dick. I notice it curves up and to the left a little toward the tip when I do. ‘ _That will be fun_ ,’ I think then I open my mouth as wide as I can and take as much of him as I can into my mouth. Once I feel his head hitting the back of my mouth I close my mouth around him and suck hard. He is salty and while in the past I haven’t overly enjoyed going down on a guy I think I could learn to enjoy it if he reacts likes this every time. His whole body jerks and I watch his stomach muscles straining to stay still, he is always so in control. I pull back, flattening my tongue on the underside of his cock as I do. When I get to the head, I swirl my tongue around the edge of his head and he twitches in my mouth. I look back up to his face and see his brow tighten and his eyes squeeze closed as his mouth drops open. I smile around his dick and lower my head back down to take him in again. I go further this time and gag slightly around him as I feel him reach the back of my throat. I my eyes close and swallow around him. He moans loudly and I pull up. I bob my head up and down slowly for a while, sucking and licking at him. He finally brings his hands down and pushes his fingers into my hair. He just lets them run through my hair but that’s not what I want. I use the hand I’ve been using to prop myself up over him and place it on his hand to let him know he can guide me. He seems to understand because he grabs ahold of my hair and starts guiding my movements. He ups my pace, I move over him faster and faster. When his hand clenches in my hair, I go a little faster, suck a little harder and let my teeth scrap ever so lightly against him. His back arches and I pull off him and pump him with my hands. I watch as him as he starts to lose it. All of his muscles seem to tighten all at once, his head is thrown back and his mouth is opened wide. He looks like he is screaming but no sound escapes. He twitches in my hand repeatedly and I watch as he comes in streams across his stomach. I keep pumping him until his hot, thick seed stops. Then I carefully let his cock fall back to his lower stomach. He is panting and has his arms crossed over his eyes. I rub my hand off with one of the blankets on the floor beside us then clean him up. I make a mental note to wash it later.

 

**\- JY –**

 

I stretch out next to him, lay my head back on his chest and draw circles across his chest while he lets his breathing and heart rate slow. He rolls to his side and pulls his pants and underwear back up to their proper positions and then wraps his arms around me. He kisses my forehead as we lay side by side and says, “Wow. That was fucking amazing Laney.”

 

I laugh into his chest and feel my face get red. My ex always said I was good at it but I just thought he said that to get me to do it. He knew I didn’t like doing it but asked frequently, even after we were having problems. I look up at him and his hand comes up to my cheek. He strokes it gently and smiles happily at me. “You are fucking amazing Laney.”

 

I blush harder and shake my head. “You are only saying that because I gave you a blow job,” I say.

 

“Absolutely not. That was by far the best blow job ever,” he grins.

 

“Oh, have you gotten many?” I ask.

 

He blushes and I laugh. “Well, I’ve gotten a few,” he replies. “Maybe more than a few, but that’s not the point here,” he rushes on.

 

Laughing I say, “I’m not surprised. I’m sure you’ve had girls doing everything they can to get your attention for years. Dropping to their knees was probably all some had.”  


He barks out a laugh over my head. “I don’t know about all that,” he continues to laugh. He abruptly stops and looks back down at me. “Now, I think it’s your turn,” he says sensually.

 

I giggle, actually giggle, as he rolls me onto my back and kisses me.

 

“ _I'm in love with the shape of you_ _  
We push and pull like a magnet do_ ”

 

I quickly push Shawn away and sit up. “Crap, what time is it?” I ask as I search for my phone. It’s somewhere under the blankets and I can feel it vibrating. I dig around and finally find it. Page’s face is on the screen and I see it’s a little after eight ’o’clock. “Fuck,” I whisper. I hit the accept button and pant out, “Hey, you on your way?”

 

“Yeah, I just got in the Uber. We will be there in ten minutes. You are ready?” Page asks. I look down at my bare chest and groan. “You are ready, right?” she repeats.

 

“Um, no actually I’m not but I can be,” I tell her.

 

“Dammit Lane,” she says exasperated.

 

“I’ll be ready,” I say a little loudly.

 

“If you say so,” she says then hangs up.

 

I turn and look at Shawn. He is snickering at me and I look at him irritated. “You need to go before she gets here,” I tell him as I grab my shirt and pull it on.

 

“I could stay and wait for you to get back,” he says smoothly.

 

I laugh and shake my head. “No, if Page sees your Jeep she will want to know who it belongs too.”

 

“So what?” he ask with a shrug as he sits up next to me.

 

I sigh and lean over to give him a kiss. “Go please,” I plead.

 

“Fine,” he says a little irritated. He grabs his own shirt and I crawl out of the fort.

 

“I’ll call you when I get home,” I yell as I race up the stairs.

 

“Bye,” I hear him call sarcastically after me and it’s not long after that that I hear the front door shut a little louder than necessary.

 

I frown as I run into my bathroom to fix my hair and put on some makeup.

 

Ten minutes later I’m rushing back downstairs with my shoes in my hand and the door bell sounds. I fly to the door and open it. “You aren’t ready,” Page says as she is standing there with her hands on her hips that are jutting out to one side.

 

“Yes I am,” I say as I lean over to pull on my ankle high boots. She laughs and walks past me to get my purse from the counter.

 

“Come on then,” she says and walks back out.

 

I pull my other boot on and grab my keys. I quickly lock the door and walk over to the car pulled in my drive way. I slide in the back seat next to Page and try to smile at her.

 

The Uber driver pulls out of my drive way and we are on our way. After a few minutes of silence from all three of us Page starts. “So why weren’t you ready?” she asks as she pulls out her compact mirror and lipstick.

 

“I just lost track of time,” I say, it’s not a lie.

 

“Uh huh, sure you did,” she says not quite believing me. “What time did Ethan pick up the kids?”

 

“About seven,” I answer.

 

“So what happened after that?” she ask as she applies more lipstick then uses her finger to clean up the edges.

 

“Um, I watched some TV,” I tell her and look out the window. I feel bad for our Uber driver. It can’t be comfortable for the guy, two women in the backseat and the tension palpable.

 

“Why did you sound so out of breath when you answered your phone earlier?”

 

Uh oh. Think fast Laney. “I was in the bathroom and had to run to pick it up?” I ask instead of state.

 

“Is that so?” Page says. I can tell she doesn’t believe me.

 

“Can we just let it go? I was being lazy and forgot to keep an eye on the clock. So what? I’m ready and we are half way to the bar now,” I beg her to drop it. I see the Uber driver look at us through the rear view mirror and he really looks uneasy.

 

She slaps her mirror shut and shoves it back into her purse, “Ok,” she says. I look at her slack jawed. She isn’t usually so easily deterred. I sigh in relief and lean back in my seat. The Uber driver looks like he feels it too and seems to relax in his seat.

 

“So I was thinking,” Page starts and smiles like the Cheshire cat. Nothing good can come next. “I think tonight is the night we find you a man.”

 

I groan, “Do we have to?” I whine. The Uber driver snickers in the front seat and I ‘accidently’ kick his seat as I cross my legs while giving him the stink eye. He looks at me and smiles in apology.

 

She laughs. “You need to get laid girl,” she tells me as she hits me on the leg. “And since you didn’t go for that hottie, Shawn, we got to find you another piece of hot, young ass to replace him with.”

 

I frown at the thought of replacing Shawn with anyone. While I’m glad she called when she did earlier, I do not like her plan for the evening. I have a feeling its going to be a long night. I know it’s useless to try to convince her I’m not ready now that she has it in her head so I just smile at her. “Fine, I will talk to some guys but I’m not going home with anyone or taking anyone home with me,” I concede. Mr. Uber is out right laughing now. This time it’s not an accident and I don’t pretend to be moving, I straight up just kick his seat.

 

“That a girl,” she cheers.

 

I groan again and look back out the window. It really is going to be a long night.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

As Page wanted, I spent most of the night talking to men, old and young men, married and single men. She didn’t care as long as they had a penis. A couple gave me their numbers and Page gave mine to half of them when I wasn’t looking. I woke up to seven text messages from seven different guys asking if they could take me out Friday or Saturday night. After reading the first two and seeing the third was a dick pic, I just deleted them all. “Thanks Page,” I say into the empty room.

 

I lie in bed and try to remember how many drinks I had. Almost every guy Page placed before me had bought me a drink and Page would eyeball me till I at least took a couple drinks. The rest I would shove in front of her when she shoved the guy away and grabbed another. I was more than drunk and laughing more and more as the night went on. If I hadn’t I’d probably have been crying or mad. When I got home I sent Shawn a quick text then fell into bed without even taking off my shoes. Apparently I had kicked them off at some point during the night and pulled the comforter over myself.

 

I pull myself out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. When I look in the mirror I almost scream. I have raccoon eyes and my hair is doing an impersonation of bush, there is a twig and everything. I look away and turn on the shower. I strip, pull the twig, with a leaf still attached, out and get in.

 

Twenty minutes later, I finally drag myself out of the shower. I dry off and shrug on my robe. I go downstairs and make a large pot of coffee. I’m going to need it. I feel like shit. I grab some pain relievers and down them while I wait for the coffee to brew.

 

Once its done I make myself a huge cup of coffee and turn on my computer. I sip as it loads my emails and see I have a lot of work to get down. I completely forgot we are switching systems at work soon and I have the honors of making sure everything is in order before we do. I’ll even have to go in to the office the next couple of weeks. We are having class every afternoon to learn the new system and I have to be there. My mom has already offered to watch them on the days they don’t have plans with friends.

 

I figure I might as well get to work. I know it will take most of the day to get it done so there is no time like the present. Throughout the day I get a text here and there from Page, Shawn and Ethan. The kids call to say hi and tell me what they have been up to with their father but other than that it’s me, my computer and cup after cup of coffee.

 

When dinner time rolls around I make myself a quick salad with some left over chicken and eat in front of the computer. It’s almost seven when I feel like I can stop. I only have a couple more hours of work to do and I plan on doing it tomorrow so I can relax the rest of the weekend. I grab a bowl and make myself some ice cream before I plant myself in front of the TV for the rest of the evening.

 

I wake around ten to find that my bowl has fallen over in my lap and I have the left over ice cream dripping all over my robe and legs. I groan and try to wipe it up with my robe. I take it off as I stand up and carefully walk into the kitchen holding up my rode in one hand and the bowl over it with the other. As I put the bowl in the sink I realize I must look ridiculous waking around naked, my legs covered in chocolate. Thankful no one is here to see it. I take my robe into the laundry room and leave it there. I climb the stairs, jump in the shower to wash the mess off and then go to bed.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On Saturday I finish working early then call Page to see if she wants to meet for lunch. I haven’t heard from Shawn since yesterday morning so I figure he is busy so I don’t see the point of sitting around waiting to hear from him. Page is up for lunch and mentions she’s been wanting to go shopping so we meet at the mall for an afternoon out.

 

I get home late, Page was a crazy woman all afternoon and decided we had to go out for dinner then more shopping. After we were done shopping she said she needed a drink so we stopped at a bar for a drink. I somehow convinced her we only needed one drink and that I did in fact not need to talk to the guy at the bar. I was pretty sure the woman next to him, wearing a rather large diamond engagement ring, would not have appreciated it. She had final backed off after they started making out right there in front of everyone.

 

Once I finally get changed into a t-shirt, I get into bed and call Shawn. It rings a few times and I’m about to hang up when he picks up. “Hello?” he shouts. It sounds like he is out, maybe at a bar or a party, and its loud.

 

“Hey,” I say.

 

“Oh, hey! What’s up?” he asks.

 

“Nothing, I just haven’t heard from you today. I just thought I’d call and check on you,” I say. I hear someone yelling at him to get off the home in the background.

 

“I’m on the phone,” he yells at someone. “Hold on Laney, I’m gonna go outside,” he tells me and I listen as the noise gets quieter and quieter. “Ok, I’m outside. What’s up?” he asks again.

 

“Nothing,” I repeat. “Just wanted to see what you were up to. If you are busy I can let you go.”

 

“No, no. I’m just out with some friends. Tyler called when I was finishing up earlier and said everyone was going out,” he says.

 

“Oh, well go back to your friends,” I tell him.

 

“What are you doing?” he asks ignoring me, his voice talking on a lustful tone.

 

I laugh, “I just got home from shopping with Page. I’m exhausted.”

 

“Oh yeah,” he says. “Want me to come over?”

 

I yawn and then say, “No, I’m just going to go to bed. You should stay there. Have some fun.”

 

He sighs, “Yeah, I guess.” I look down at the comforter over my legs and pick at a piece of fuzz. He sounds like he is disappointed. I feel bad but I really am tired. “Ok, well I’ll let you go,” he says a little sadly.

 

“Ok. Have fun,” I try to say cheerfully. “Maybe you can come over tomorrow?” I ask hopefully.

 

He is silent for a minute and when he speaks again he sounds strained. “My friend, Sarah, is having a party at her place tomorrow. It’s her birthday and I told her I’d be over early to help her with some stuff.”

 

“Oh,” I say quietly. “Ok, that’s good.”

 

“Yeah, sorry but I’ll call you, I might be able to come over Monday after I finish at the Harrison’s place,” he says.

 

I pick some more at the blanket and swallow down the emotions that are trying to surface. I nod and say, “Yeah, ok.”

 

I hear someone yell at Shawn to get his ass back inside, they need their wingman. “Well I’d better go,” he says to me.

 

“Right, I’ll talk to you later,” I say and then he is gone. I look down at my phone as it shows the end call screen and sigh. I knew this was a possibility. I should have just asked him to come over. I throw my phone on to the night stand and fall back on my pillow. “Fuck,” I yell then cover my face with my hands. I shouldn’t be feeling like this, like I’m the one being left at home alone. I told him not to come. He offered and I said no. I groan and dig my way deeper into my bed. I did this to myself, I can’t lay here and wallow.

 

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Sunday I clean the house, do laundry and make sure I have clothes for work the next week. The kids get home right before dinner time and I spend the evening with them. They tell me all about what they did with their dad, swimming, the park, and a fair. We cuddle on the couch and watch TV until bedtime. I make them shower because it smells like they haven’t bathed since they left then tuck them into bed. I go back downstairs and watch some TV until I’m ready for bed myself.

 

I just turned the TV off when someone knocks on the front door lightly. I look at the clock on the wall and see it’s almost eleven. I get up, walk to the door and look into the peephole. It’s dark but I can see Shawn standing there with his face turned up looking at something. I pull my clean robe around my tank top and pajama shorts before I turn on the outside porch light and open the door. His head whips down and he smiles goofily at me. His face is red, his eyes are glassy and he reeks of liquor.

 

“Hi,” he says and then waves at me. He is so drunk.

 

I lean against the door frame and cross my arms. “Hi Shawn,” I say. He laughs and bends over at his waist, folding his arms across his stomach. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

 

He stands back up and turns serious. “Nothing is funny. I missed you,” he says sadly.

 

I shake my head at him. He is all over the place and I’m not sure what to say to him. “I missed you too,” I finally say. He takes a step toward me and places both of his hands on my face. I look up at him and he smiles sweetly at me.

 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks me. I nod once, not even bothering to tell him he doesn’t have to ask.

 

He leans down to catch my bottom lip between his. He sucks it into his mouth laps at it. I place my hands on his waist and grip his shirt in my hands. He let’s go of my lip slowly and then moves to my top lip. He sucks on it for a second before he dips his tongue into my mouth. I can taste the alcohol and sweetness of whatever he has been drinking. He kisses me intensely as he lets go of my face and wraps his arms around me. He starts to push my back into the house and closes the door behind us once we’ve cleared the doorway. He continues to push me back, kissing me and I let him. We make it to the stairs and I know where he wants this to go. I pull away from him but he isn’t having it. He pulls me closer and starts kissing down my neck.

  
“Shawn, we need to stop,” I say.

 

“No,” he says into my neck. “I want you.”

 

“I know Shawn, I want you too but the kids are upstairs and you are drunk,” I pant out. He has latched onto my neck and I know I will have a hickey if he continues. I push him back and look up at him. He can barely keep his eyes open. “Fuck, how did you get here?” I ask.

 

He wobbles a little and smiles down at me as his eyes fall closed. “I had Tyler drive me over. I made him drop me off down the block so he wouldn’t know which house I was going to,” he slurs then puts his finger up to his lip to shush me. “He can’t know I’m seeing you remember?” he says with a chuckle. “I hate that by the way,” he adds with a grimace. “All the secrecy. So what if you are eleven years older than me? You are fuck hot!” he says as he opens his eyes and eyes me up and down. I look down and see my robe has fallen open.

 

I laugh and tell him to keep it down as I wrap the robe back around my front. I look up the stairs and try to listen for the kids. I look back at him and he is leaning against the railing and smiling sleepily with his eyes shut again. They is no way he is going to be awake much longer. I can’t leave him on the couch. He will probably have a hang over in the morning and the second Hil and Hol see him they are going to be all over him. I have a guest room but I’d feel better if he was near so I can keep on eye on him. I have no idea how much he has had to drink and it could get ugly if he woke somewhere unfamiliar. I make the decision to take him upstairs to my room. I will just have to make sure I get up before the kids in the morning. They have plans to go to an amusement park with friends for most of the day so if I can just keep them out of my room until they leave they will never even know he is here.

 

“Come on lover boy,” I say. I wrap an arm around his waist and pull him toward the stairs.

 

“Are we going to your bedroom?” he asks as he lays his head against mine.

 

I laugh quietly, “Yes, we need to get you into bed.”

 

“Ooh, I get it,” he hums.

 

I shake my head and lead him up the stairs. It’s slow going but I get him into my room. I push him down on the bed and he falls back with his arms spread out. Then I turn on the lamp so I can see what I have to do. I pick up his feet and pull off his shoes then pull on his arms to get him to sit up. “You got to help me here Shawn,” I grunt as I try to keep him up and pull his shirt off at the same time. He groans and does absolutely nothing to help. I get the shirt over his head and he falls back again. I sigh hard and start to undo his pants. This is not how I imagined I’d be getting him naked in my bed. I’m not evening able to enjoy the view. I finally get his pants off and it takes me almost five minutes to push and pull on him so that he is laying the right way on the bed. I’ve started to sweat a little and I’m breathing heavy. He is a big guy compared to my small but slightly thicker stature. I go into my bathroom and get the waste basket I have for the kids when they are sick that’s under the counter. I also get the pain relievers and the cup I leave next to the sink. I fill it with water from the sink and go back to Shawn. He has rolled over to his side and is snoring lightly. I put everything down for him then push his hair off his forehead and cup his cheek. He pushes his face into my hand and I can’t help but smile down at him. I make sure he is covered and walk around the bed. I pull my robe off and slide into bed. I make sure my alarm is set for seven thirty and lay down. Shawn has rolled to his back and I lay there watching him. He looks so peaceful lying in my bed. I’m pretty sure I know why he came over but I now realize this shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I need to end this now. He shouldn’t be here passed out in my bed. Hopefully it wasn’t me that made him get shit faced in the first place. I guess I won’t know until morning. I lean over and kiss his cheek. He groans and rolls away from me. I sigh for what feels like the hundredth time tonight and lean over him to turn off the bedside lamp. I’ll know in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the explanation. I was writing about open mic night and for the life of me couldn’t remember when I had established girls’ night. I looked for all of two seconds and just figured I was right. I knew it was either Wednesday or Thursday night so I just went with my gut. Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I went back and reread and saw all kinds of mistakes. So that started me editing and adding while I made a timeline. If I had only reread the first part of the first chapter I’d have know I said Thursday there and I could have avoid the whole thing. But in the end I’m glad I did because some of those mistakes were really embarrassing. I know I’m no professional but still. Anyways! I had said Laney lied to Page about why she couldn’t go out Wednesday night. I had originally just said she didn’t tell her her plans but changed it when I started second guessing myself. I changed it back to her just not telling her after I went over everything. I changed a few other small things as well but nothing so big that you need to go back and reread it all. You can if you want, who am I to say you shouldn’t, lol. So that’s it. If you’ve read this you are an angel! And sorry for the back and forth. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one will have an actual lemon! I’m excited to get to that. As is Shawn, hahaha. Well, my Shawn, or Laney’s Shawn. I don’t know how to word that. Ok I’m going to stop now because even I’m getting sick of reading this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemon warning. I place -JY- before and after if you don't want to read it. I'm extremely happy with it! All mistakes are mine. Enjoy!

I’m already awake when my alarm goes off. I quickly turn it off so it doesn’t disturb the sleep man next to me. I’m not sure I got much sleep last night. I’m not use to sharing a bed with another adult anymore. The kids will occasionally sneak in, in the middle of the night, if they have a bad dream or there is a storm but that’s different. I had tossed and turned for quiet awhile before I had dosed for I don’t know how long. I know I couldn’t have gotten more than a few hours of actual sleep and I am feeling it now. I get up, grab my robe and go to wake up the kids. Their friends will be over early to pick them up before they head to Six Flags. I have to get them fed, changed and packed so they can be ready to go. 

 

After I get them out of bed I go downstairs and make a pancake breakfast. I fry up some breakfast sausage and scramble some eggs while sipping strong coffee. The kids come barreling down the stairs and I tell them to be quiet because I have a headache, and while it’s not a complete lie it isn’t me I’m worried about. The kids and I sit down to eat before they have to go and talk about all the fun things they will get to do at the amusement park today. After they will be having a sleep over and I have to pick them up tomorrow morning at ten. 

The doorbell sounds and I wince, the kids jump up and run to answer it. I get up and go grab their bags. 

“Hey, Laney,” Laurie says as she comes in. Laurie is Chris and Makayla’s mom. Our kids have been friends since preschool.

“Hey Laurie, you ready for a day in the sun, walking through large crowds and drinking and eating overpriced food?” I ask with a big smile. 

She laughs and takes the bags I offer her. “Oh yeah. Just how every woman wants to spend her vacation time,” she says sarcastically with a roll of her eyes.

“Sorry,” I empathize. “Thanks for taking them! I would have gone too but I have to go into the office at one.”

She waves her hand and says, “No worries. At least with your kids there, mine won’t make me go on every single ride with them. I can just make Grayson do it.” Grayson is her husband and a big kid himself, I doubt he wouldn’t be right behind them anyway.

I laugh with her and then dig in my pocket for the money I have for the kids. “Here is money for the kids’ tickets and extra for their food,” I say as I hand over a few hundred bills. 

Laurie takes it from me and then shakes her head, “Laney, this is too much. And we invited them so we can pay.”

“No way! They are my kids and I can take care of it. I was only going to give you two but Ethan gave the kids the extra hundred when they told him they were going,” I explain. 

“Ok, but I’m going to keep it separate and bring you the change.”

I smile, “That works fine with me. Don’t let them eat too much junk food before their go on any roller-coaster.” 

Laurie smiles and nods then we hear a honk from the street. “I’d better go, Grayson wants to get there as soon as they open so we don’t have to wait in lines too long,” she grimaces and walks back outside. 

“Have fun! Behavior Hilton! Love you!” I yell at the open door of the Kolby’s mini van. Laurie climbs in and everyone waves as the doors close and then they are off. I close the door and go back for my coffee. I make Shawn a plate of breakfast and place it in oven to keep warm before I clean up.

A couple hours later I’m sitting on the couch watching TV but not really paying attention to it when Shawn comes down the stairs. He has managed to find his jeans and shirt but his feet are bare. “Hey party animal, I didn’t expect you up so early,” I say as he makes his way over to me. He drops onto the couch and lays his head on my lap. His hair is sticking out every which way and his face is a grey color. He whimpers from the movement and I start to thread my fingers through his hair. “How are you feeling?” I ask him.

His face scrunches up and he moans and turns his face down into my legs. I hear him mutter, “Don’t yell,” into my bare legs and I feel my skin pebble into goose bumps. 

“I’m not,” I say apologetically. “Did you take the medicine I left for you?” I ask in a quieter tone. He nods and groans again. “I made pancakes,” I tell him. “Do you want me to get it for you?” He shakes his head no. “Do you want anything?” He shakes his head again. “Ok, let me know if you change your mind,” I say. He grunts and turns over onto his stomach. He turns his face and digs it into my stomach. I laugh when he bites at my tank top. “Stop, that tickles,” I swat his shoulder. He laughs in my belly a little then groans. 

“Stop, my head is killing me,” he whines. I move my hand down to his back and rub it. He moans a little as I start to knead his tight muscles and relaxes into me. It’s not long before his breathing evens out and he starts to snore lightly against me. I pull the blanket off the back of the couch and place it over him. I don’t have anything important to do right now so I pick up my phone and start scrolling through my Facebook app for awhile. 

Shawn wakes an hour later. He wraps his arms around me waist and says, “What time is it?”

I look down at my phone and tell him, “It’s just after ten thirty. Do you have stuff to do today?”

He shakes he head and sits up, rubbing his hands over his face. “No, not today. Even if I did I’m not sure I could. What about you? Where are the kids?” he asks then lets out a big yawn.

I stand up and head to the kitchen to warm his breakfast. “They went out with friends for the day. Do you want some coffee?”

He yells, “Yes please,” and I make him a cup. I go pull out his plate from the oven and turn the warmer off. I grab a fork, napkin and the syrup and carry it all back into the living room. He is leaning back with his head on the back of the couch, eyes closed. “Here,” I say as I hold out the plate. He sits up and crosses his legs before he takes the plate and sets it down on his lap. I sit and hand him the everything else. 

We sit and watch TV while he eats. “So, what happened yesterday?” I ask after a while. He groans and drops his head down to his chest. 

“I don’t know. I went to Sarah’s house at eleven and as soon as I walked in she handed me a drink. I guess she thought everyone should be plastered since it was her twenty first birthday. I don’t remember all the much after that,” he tells me. 

“So why did you leave and come here?” I ask trying to sound nonchalant. I’m very curious as to what happened in between but want to know why he chose to come here instead of stay at the party.

He shakes his head and looks at me. “I don’t know. I was moping and Tyler asked me why so I told him I missed you,” he says. 

I gasp and stare at him slack jawed. “Please tell me you didn’t tell him about me,” I whisper once I find my voice again.

He looks sad but doesn’t say anything right away. He takes another bite then chews slowly. After he swallows he looks back at me and shakes his head. He sets his plate down on the coffee table and picks up his cup. “Yes and no. I told him I’ve been seeing someone but that was all.”

He takes a drink and I try to believe him. Can he be so sure he didn’t? He was so drunk last night and admits he doesn’t remember everything. Then he had his friend bring him over. “Ok, but can you be sure?”

His face turns angry and he sets his cup back down. “I wouldn’t do that Laney. I told you I wouldn’t. And I still don’t see what the big deal is,” he spits at me. 

I’m taken back by his hostility. I know he doesn’t understand fully and I can’t expect him too. He wouldn’t understand unless he was in my position. “I’m sorry. I believe you,” I say. “So you told him you missed me,” I coax him.

He still doesn’t look happy but he continues, “He said he would drive me to your house if I wanted. He hadn’t been drinking because Sarah told him his birthday present to her was not drinking for one night so he could be the designated driver. He always has an excuse or pawns it off onto someone else when it’s his turn. As soon as he offered I knew it was what I wanted so we got in the car and came here. I made him drop me off down the block and made sure he left before I knocked on the door, if it makes you feel any better.” He sounds a little bitter and now I feel bad. 

“I said I was sorry Shawn. I don’t know what else you want me to say,” I sigh. I look over at him and his face softens. 

“Nothing Laney. Let’s just forget it.”

I nod and try to relax. “I have to go to work at one,” I say changing the subject. “You can stay if you want. I should be back around five or six and the kids are staying at their friends tonight. I could stop and pick up dinner,” I offer. 

He nods. “I told Sarah I’d help her clean up today when I got up. I can be back before then,” he says looking at me. 

“Ok, do you want anything in particular?” I ask.

“No, just whatever,” he shrugs. He sounds tired again now that he isn’t mad. “I should probably go home and shower before I go to Sarah’s.”

I nod and smile, “Ok. I’ll leave the back door unlocked if you get back before me.”

“Ok,” he says with a tight smile. He leans over and kisses my cheek quickly before he stands up and goes upstairs to get his shoes.

I groan and fall over on the couch. That didn’t go the way I expected it to at all but there is nothing I can do about it now. I wait for Shawn to come back down and when he does, he quickly says bye then he is out the door. I have no idea how he plans to get home. I assume someone is picking him up or he is going to walk. It would only take him twenty minutes to get there on foot. The kids and I have walked to his neighborhood before to hang out at Page’s on nice days before so I know.

I sit on the couch for awhile after he leaves and think about our conversation. It felt more like an argument. I feel horrible for the way I’ve treated him but I don’t see a solution to our issues, my issues. I know most of the problem is me, I just don’t know how to get around it. I’m not comfortable telling people about us. People will think I’m taking advantage of him, that I pursued him and manipulated him into being in a relationship with me. They might even think I seduced him. I can’t have people talking about me, not when I’m a newly single mother. It would make not only my life harder but my children’s as well. After dinner tonight I’m going to have to end it. I begin to cry at the thought. I love him and I’m not ready to let him go.

“I love him?” I say out loud as I feel tears cascade down my cheeks. “Fuck.”

The realization that I do in fact feel something very real for Shawn, and now plan to end our relationship, cause me to break down. I lie on the couch sobbing until my phone’s alarm goes off letting me know I have an hour to get ready and be at work. I wipe my robe sleeves across my face to get rid of the tears and snot that have been pouring from me nonstop. ‘If only he could see me now, I wouldn’t have to end anything. He’d be so disgusted he wouldn’t want to come back,’ I think grimly.

There is nothing else I can do right now. I have to get ready for work. I stand and let everything that doesn’t have to do with that, fall off me. I’ll deal with it later.

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Work is long and boring. The office closes down and everyone is ushered into the waiting room to sit and listen to some guy from the company that made the new software. He talks about the company and their software for over four hours and no actual learning is done. I have a notepad full of doodles by the time five rolls around and I notice I’m not the only one. When the guy starts to wrap up more than one person sighs in relief and everyone starts to gather their things so that by the time he is saying he will see us all again tomorrow we are all standing up and heading for the door. 

I rush to my car as I check my phone. I have a text from Laurie saying they have left Six Flags and are going out to eat before they head home for the night. I text her back and thank her again for taking them once I’m sitting in my car. She sends a couple of pictures and I smile at my children’s happy faces. I lock my phone and let my head fall back against the seat’s headrest. Now I have to go get dinner so I can break up with Shawn over dinner. I feel my eyes fill with tears but I refuse to let them fall right now. I’ll have plenty of time to cry later. 

I take a deep breath and start the car. On the way home I stop at Olive Garden and pick up dinner. When I get home I see Shawn’s Jeep in the drive way. I take a few more deep breaths, grab the bag of food and head inside. I unlock the door and walk inside. In the living room I see flowers and candles everywhere but not him. I put my work bag down by the door and slip out of my flats. I walk bare foot over a few petals and take in everything. There are all kinds of flowers, roses, daisies, tulips, carnations, and on the table is a largest bouquet of deep red roses I’ve ever seen before. I place the food bag down beside it and turn in a circle. As I turn to face the kitchen Shawn steps out and is holding two glasses and a bottle of wine. He is wearing a black button down shirt but the top few buttons are open and the sleeves are pushed up over his forearms, jeans that hang low on his hips and his feet are bare. I can’t seem to inhale anymore. He has his head bent and his looking up at me through his lashes almost shyly. I’m in shock I think. I look around again and can’t believe he has done all this for me. No one has every done anything like this for me before. I’ve gotten the occasional rose on my birthday or Valentine’s Day but never anything this extreme. 

“Do you like it?” he asks softly. I turn back to look at him and inhale. I can smell the thick scent of the roses and a hint of cologne, his cologne. I open my mouth to talk but nothing comes out. I close it and try again but still nothing. He walks to me and places the glasses and bottle on the table. He stands in front of me and places his hands on my arms then slowly drags them down until he can lace our fingers together. Looking down at me he says, “Laney, I’m really sorry about this morning. I was hung over and upset but that’s not an excuse for how I treated you. Can you forgive me? Can we just forget it and move on?”

I look up into his beautiful warm brown eyes and see the sincerity in them. I shake my head and he frowns. “I don’t deserve you,” I say. Then he is shaking his head. He opens his mouth to say something but I pull my hand out of his and place my fingers over his mouth. “I forgive you if you forgive me,” I whisper. He looks confused but how can I tell him that I’m about to break up with him. I know I have to eventually but I can’t do it right this second. Not after he went through all this trouble. “Let’s eat,” I say and pull him to the coffee table.

He has thought of everything. There are plates, silverware, napkins already on the table and pillows on the floor for us to sit on. We sit and I pull the containers of food out of the bag. “I didn’t know what you would want so I got a few things,” I tell him as I hand him the first box. He opens it and starts dishing out food. 

“How was your day?” he asks as we fill our plates. I groan and put down the bag of breadsticks to pick up the bottle of wine. “That good, huh?”

I laugh as I pour myself a full glass of wine then pour some in his glass. “It was, well to put it nicely, it was dull,” I say as I put the bottle back down on the table. “We had to sit and listen to a guy from the software company talk about the new system for four hours. We learned absolutely nothing.”

Shawn moves all the containers back to the bag as he listens to me talk and places it on the floor on the other side of him. He scoots closer to me and places one leg behind me and the other next to my legs so I’m sitting in between his legs. “Sounds like a good time,” he laughs.

I take a large drink of my wine and put the glass back down before I pick up my fork. “Hopefully tomorrow will be better. How was your day?” I ask then take a bite of lasagna. 

Shawn already has a mouth full but he hurriedly chews and swallows, wipes his mouth off and gets a drink of his own wine. “It was ok. A lot of cleaning then to a few flower shops,” he says with a shy smile. 

“I really love what you’ve done for me,” I say and turn toward him. “No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

He brings his hand up to my face and brushes my short, dark hair behind my ear. “This isn’t even half of what you deserve to have done for you daily, Laney,” he says softly. He leans forward and kisses me softly, almost reverently. I sigh when he pulls back and keep my eyes closed. I’m going to break both of our hearts.

“Shawn,” I say but he stops me. 

“Don’t say anything, please,” he whispers. I open my eyes to find his closed. He looks like he is in pain and I’m pretty sure he knows exactly what I’m going to say even though I don’t. “Let’s just eat dinner, ok?” he pleads with me. 

“Ok,” I concede. It can wait, for now. 

We eat in silence. The only sounds being the ones we came when our silverware touches our plates or when we set our glasses on the table. As we finish eating it starts to rain. I’ve eaten until I just can’t anymore. I’ve hardly touched anything on my plate, mostly I’ve just pushed everything around. My stomach is in knots and another bite would make me sick. When Shawn asks if I’m done I nod and he takes our plates and the left over food in the kitchen. I finish my drink and pour more. 

Shawn comes back into the living room a few minutes later carrying a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of whipped cream. I smile as he sits next to me, places the bowls down and picks one up. He dips it in the whipped cream and holds it out for me to bite. I wrap my lips around the berry and the sweet of the cream and the tartness of the strawberry burst across my tongue, one of my favorite combinations. I pull back and chew. “That’s good,” I say behind my hand as I swallow. I notice his eyes become hooded and turn dark. 

“You taste better,” he says ravenously. He drops the rest of the strawberry back in the bowl and pulls me to him. I’m overwhelmed with passion and longing when he captures my lips with his. I can’t hold myself back from wrapping myself around him. I get up onto my knees and straddle his lap, my hands going into his luscious hair. He groans as I surge my center forward over his pelvis. I feel his dick grow hard under me and I moan into his mouth. His hands come up to my waist to hold me still, pulling his lips away from me he asks, “Laney, are you sure about this?” 

I nod. “Yes, Shawn. I need you. I need you now. I need to show you I,” I whisper but can’t finish. 

“Show me what?” he asks. 

I just shake my head. I can’t say it out loud. If I tell him I love him it will only make things worse. He wouldn’t accept me breaking up with him. I shouldn’t do this but I can’t not know what its like to be with him. It’s selfish, I know. I know he will hate me after, maybe that’s what needs to happen. I can have what I want and make him hate me in one fell swoop. “Kiss me,” I say instead of answering his question. 

He looks at me confused for a second before he nods and reclaims my lips. I move my hands to his chest and begin to undo the rest of his buttons on his shirt. When I’ve got them open, I push the shirt over his shoulders and he pulls it off the rest of the way. As he is does, I pull away and pull my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor. His hands come around me to unclasp my bra and I shed that too. His hands come back between up and he cups my breast, brushing his thumbs over the tips causing them to peak to hard points. I moan when I feel his lips wrap around one and throw my head back. My hands come up to his shoulders, anchoring me to him though another point of skin to skin contact and I relish in the feeling. He pulls at my nipple with his lips and I grind down on him. He breaks away from my breast and kisses his way up my chest to my neck. One of his hands comes up to cup my neck now and hold me where he wants me and the other goes to my hip to help me move over him. It’s not enough. I need more. I pull back and start undoing his jeans. 

“Laney,” Shawn groans into my collar bone. I pull down his zipper. “Laney,” he tries again. I start pushing at his waist band almost frantically but his hands come up and grab my wrist. “Laney!” he says loudly. 

I’m panting but stop. “What?” I ask a little flustered. 

“Slow down. We have plenty of time,” he says with a gentle smile. He lets go of my wrists and cups my face. “Can we at least go upstairs?” he asks. I nod and stand up. I grab my shirt off the floor and go to put it back on. He grabs my hands again, “Leave it off,” he says insistently. I whimper and drop it back on the floor. 

He pulls me to him so that our chests are pressed against each others and leans down to kiss me. It’s heady, deep and frantic. I let my hands rest on his chest while he slides his tongue into my mouth to taste me. I press up on my toes to kiss him ravenously and move my hands up to his shoulders. All of a sudden his hands are wrapped around my thighs right under my ass and he is picking me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and am now face to face with him. I gasp inside his mouth, I didn’t know he could pick up me. I know I’m not fat but I’m thicker than average, compared to girls nowadays. Shawn smiles around our kiss and turns around to head for the stairs. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, trying to stay as still as possible as he carries me up to my bedroom. 

When we reach my bed he slowly lowers me down to my back. I crawl back a little and he makes his way onto the bed, hovering over me. His lips leave mine and I feel his breath spread across my face. I look up at him and see him looking at my face like he is trying to rememorize it. I bring my hand up to his face to stoke his cheek. He turns his head a little and pushes his cheek into my hand. “You are so beautiful,” I whisper. 

Smiling he says, “That’s my line.” 

I shake my head, “No, it’s mine. I don’t know what I did to get here but I’m pretty sure you weren’t meant to be mine.”

He frowns at me. “That’s not true. This is exactly where both of us are meant to be.”

I look into his eyes and I can see that he means what he is saying but I still don’t believe it. I wrap my hand around his neck and pull him down to me. We kiss and I go back to undressing him. When I have his pants down as far as I can reach without ending our lip lock, he takes over. I undo my pants and begin pushing them down. He sits up and back on to his thighs and pulls them down my legs. I kick my feet, he drags them off before he throws them. I pull him back down by his arms and our lips meet again. I can’t get enough of him. I push at his boxer briefs as his hands pull at my panties. We are both desperate to get the other naked now and it doesn’t take us but a second to accomplish our goal. 

-JY-

I sit up and crawl over to the bedside table. “Where are you going?” he asks as he crawls after me. He plasters his chest to my back, both of us on our hands and knees, and latches on to my neck. I arch into him as I reach for the drawer I know holds condoms. I fumble around searching by feel because my eyes have slammed shut. One of Shawn’s hands has made its way to make back and his fingers sweep over my skin as they travel down my back, over my hip, around to my belly and then down where they come in contact with my slick center. Just as he pushes through my short curls, I feel the foil packet. 

I moan loudly when one of his fingers slides between my lips. He gathers some of the moisture that’s collected at my opening and pushes it up to my arching clit. I hiss out a “fuck” as he circles it, coating me in my own juices and then bites down on my shoulder. I can hear and feel him panting against me. It’s primal and I can feel his breath cling to my skin. I reach down under me to touch his hand between my legs with the hand holding the condom. I hold his hand still so I can grind down on it. He bites me harder and I know it will leave a mark. The thought alone makes me wetter and I whimper. 

“Fuck Laney, you are so fucking wet. I need you to lie down,” he says as he trails kisses over to the back of my neck. I nod briskly and peel myself from him. He scoots back so I can lie on my back in the center of the bed. I tear open the condom wrapper as he moves in between my legs. I sit up and grab his dick in my hand. I pump him a few times before I bring the condom up to the head. I pinch the tip of the rubber with one hand and slowly start rolling it down his shaft with the other. When I’m about halfway down his hands come up to the sides of my face, his fingers in my hair and thumbs pressing into my cheeks. Then he tilts my head up. He’s mouth colides into mine and he thrust his tongue into my mouth almost violently. I finish rolling the condom down on his hard cock and pump him again. He moans deeply in his chest and pushes me back. He falls after me and sticks his hands out to catch himself. He lowers his hips and I feel his length rub over my mound. He thrust against me and he easily slides between my lips. I feel the head of his dick rub against my clit and I arch my back. My hands fly to his biceps, his forehead lands on my shoulder and he exhales heavily over my chest and my already hard nipples start to tingle. I let my back fall back to the bed and slide a hand down his chest. He has broken out in a light sweat and it’s slippery. I rub the spot over his heart lovingly for a second before I let it continue to slide down. When I finally wrap my fingers around him, I guide him to my entrance. He shifts forward ever so slightly so that the head is pressed against my inner lips. His head comes up and he looks between my eyes. “Are you sure?” he asks. 

I nod and bit my lip. “Yes,” I whimper with need. He leans down, his eyes close and he gives me another addictive kiss. He rests his forehead on mine, letting his nose nuzzles mine. Looking down at where we are about to be joined, he swallows and slowly pushes forward.

My eyes slam shut and I whisper, “Fuck.”

Above me I hear him hiss, “Shit.” 

I bite my lip to keep from yelling out anymore as he fills me like I’ve never been filled before. Not just physically either. I open my eyes so I can watch him as he watches himself enter me. He is concentrating so intensely and when he is fully inside me his eyes close again. I squirm a little. He is quite a bit bigger than any man I’ve ever been with before and there is now a delicious ache in my lower belly. He looks back up at me and I nod at him. He pulls his hips back and pushes forward again. It almost hurts, if he was any bigger it would be painful. I close my eyes and take him in over and over as he pumps in and out of me in a slow rhythm. I bring one of my hands up into his hair and pull his lips back down to mine. I need to taste him. When our tongues meet, he lowers his upper body down more fully onto me and I feel myself sink further into the mattress. I wrap my legs around his waist and lock my ankles together. We both groan at the new angle and he picks up his pace. I wrap both of my arms around his shoulder and hold him to me. He shoves his arms under me to press me into his chest and causing my back to arch slightly. It makes the angle change again and I start to feel the pressure build faster. I throw my head back, Shawn turns his face into my neck and takes a long lick from the bottom to the top then moves to the spot he knows I love for him to suck on. He nips at it before he closes his mouth over the spot, giving me yet another hickey. His arms come up to my shoulders, he wraps his hands around them and begins to thrust faster and harder. I feel my walls start to pulse around him and he groans, finally letting go of my neck. He buries his face into the pillow beside my head and I turn my head to suck his earlobe into my mouth. He moans into the pillow and I exhale into his ear, “I’m so close Shawn. Please don’t stop.” 

He growls as his back arches up and he pounds into me with abandon. I hold on for dear life as the strongest orgasm I’ve ever had, rips through my body. My back bends backward and I cry out in ecstasy. Shawn continues to thrust in and out as I ride out my high. When I start to come down, he slows. I feel sweat dripping down my face and bring a hand up to my face to wipe it off. That’s when I notice its not sweat, it’s tears. 

Shawn pulls back to look at me and sees. His face turns into a concerned frown and he asks if I’m ok. I nod and smile at him. He shakes his head at me with a smile. “So, you always cry during sex?”

I laugh and he moans as my walls clamp down around him as I do. “No, never actually,” I say. I bring my hands up to his face and push at his hair that is sticking to his sweat covered forehead. “It’s you. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before with anyone, ever.” I look between his eyes and see he understands exactly what I’m trying to say. “Just you,” I whisper. When he leans down to kiss me, there is something unguarded about it, exposing. I feel him twitch inside of me and realize he is still insanely hard. I push at his chest and unwrap my legs from around him.

“What?” asks as he pulls his arms from beneath me. He places his hands on either side of my shoulders and is hovering over me again. 

“Lie down,” I tell him and push at him again. When he slides out of me, I immediately feel the emptiness of the loss. He lays back and I straddle his hips. I don’t waste anytime. Now that I know what it feels like to have him inside me, I crave it. I don’t think I will ever not crave it again for the rest of my life. I wrap my fingers around the base of his cock and point him straight up so I can line us up. I feel his head enter me and I let go. I let my head fall forward and fight to keep my eyes open so I can watch myself slowly slide down him. I lick my lips at the sight and feel of him going deeper than he had before. Thankfully my inner walls have relaxed and stretched, so all I feel is extremely full instead of pain. Once I’m seated flush against is pelvis I lean over him and place my hands against the headboard. His hands snake up my thighs and wrap around my hips. His fingers dig into my hips and he holds me still. I look at his face and see he has his eyes closed and his forehead scrunched up, he seems to be determined not to lose control. I stay still until his face relaxes a little. When his eyes open they lock on mine and I rise up a little before sliding back down. We both moan at the new sensation of him so deep inside me. I can’t take my eyes off of him as I pick a torturously slow pace of rising and lowering myself on his cock. He uses his hands to help me and I know he is holding himself back by the way his fingers continue to dig into my skin. I know tomorrow I will have ten finger print sized bruises on my hips. I pick up my pace a little and watch as his eyes slide down my body to watch my breast bounce from the motion. He leans up, brings a hand up to hold one of them still and he wraps his lips around my searing flesh. It drags a moan from my lips and my head flies back. His other hand wraps around my back and holds my upper body to him so he can suck, lick and nip at my chest. I continue to ride him as he leaves marks across both of my breast until I can’t take the moderate pace I’ve set. I speed up and he falls back to the bed. His mouth opens as his eyes shut and I start to grind against him instead of bounce. I push my hips forward then back over and over, faster and faster. I can feel his pelvis push up against my clit and another orgasm starts to blossom deep inside me. When I start to falter, Shawn sits up and presses out chest together. His hands go back to my hips and he guides my movements as my arms wrap around him again. Our lips meet and now it’s a race to the finish line. He pulls me onto him then pushes me back only to pull me back. I’m so close and all I can do is let my lips press against his as I fell him push me over the edge again. My head falls back, his head falls to my chest and moans burst from both of us as the world shatters around us. We continue to gentle rock against each other, clutching onto one another, dragging out our euphoria. I bring me lips to the top of his head and try to catch my breath. I can now feel the cool air of the room against my skin and I shiver. 

Shawn lifts his head and kisses my lips such devotion it makes my head spin. My eyes shut and I kiss him back with anguish. He pulls away impossible slow and rest his forehead against mine. I can feel his nose run up and down mine but I can’t make myself open my eyes. I’m afraid if I do I will wake up and all of this will have been a dream. I’m not ready for this to end. But I can feel him softening inside me and I can only imagine how uncomfortable that must be for him. I kiss him again and slowly detach myself and he reluctantly lets me go.

-JY-

I slide off his lap and he gets up to walk to the bathroom. I watch as he goes, the light comes on and he shuts the door. I feel tears collect in my eyes again and try my best not to let them fall but it’s a lost cause. I quickly swipe away the few that escape the moment they do. I hear the sink in the bathroom come on and I get up. I grab my robe and pull it on. I repeatedly wipe at the tears that refuse to stop and tie the robe’s sash around my waist tightly. The water stops and the light goes out before the door opens. Shawn walks back into the bedroom and heads for the bed until he sees me standing at the end of it. He smiles at me and walks toward me. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to shield myself from him but he still advances. He pushes his body flush against mine and leans down to kiss my neck. I let him but don’t touch him or any other action that would encourage him. What I’m about to say is going to crush him and I’m not sure if I can actually do it.

He finally realizes how stiff I am and pulls back. “Everything ok?” he asks quietly. I shake my head then nod. 

I can’t do this right now but I can’t let him stay either. “No, yeah, everything is great,” I say as cheerfully as I can. I smile tightly and look up at him. 

“Are you sure?” he says. I nod again. 

“I’m just really tired is all. That really took it out of me,” I say and wave a hand at the bed. “I should probably get some sleep,” I say hoping he will take the hint that I want him to leave so I don’t actually have to say the words. 

“Oh,” is all he says. I look at him and I can tell he does get it. He pulls away from me and both of his hands go into his hair. I can see him pull at the root as he blows out a large breath. “Ok, I guess I should go then,” he sighs. I nod and look at the floor. I can’t bear to see the sadness in his eyes right now.

“Ok, if that’s what you want,” I say like a coward. I feel a couple more tears fall and I quickly turn away from him so he doesn’t see. I keep my head turned but I can hear him gathering the clothes that made it upstairs. 

“I’ll just let myself out,” he says and I turn back to see him pulling on his jeans and already out the door. I stand as still as possible, hugging myself tighter, trying to hold myself together. 

I hear the front door slam shut a few minutes later and a sob falls from my lips. My knees give out and I fall to the floor. My hands barely make it out to stop myself from falling face first into the carpet. I don’t know how long I lie on the floor crying because that’s where I wake up the next morning. 

The sun is hiding behind clouds in the sky and I can’t exactly tell what time it is when I finally pull myself up. I can feel the dry tear trails on my cheeks and my eyes feel like they are full of sand. I bring my hands up to rub at them and I can feel my eye lids are swollen. I start to cry again but quickly stem it when my phone sounds from downstairs. I’m surprised I can even hear it. I start to walk to the door but when I take a step my legs start to give out. I have a deep ache in my lower belly and my legs feel like jelly. I fall against the bed and take a deep breath. 

By the time I make it downstairs my phone has stopped and started to ring again. I finally get to it as it’s going to voice mail. I don’t bother listening to the one I already have when I see it’s Laurie, I just call her back. 

“Hey, Laurie,” I say when she answers. I look at the clock in the living room and see its ten thirty. I was supposed to pick the kids up thirty minutes ago. “I’m so sorry I’m not there. I guess I forgot to set my alarm,” I try to make up an excuse then hold the phone away from my face as I sniffle.

“It’s not a problem. I figured it was something like that. The kids are fine and we don’t have anything to do so don’t feel like you have to rush,” she says. 

“I can be over in twenty minutes,” I tell her. 

“Yeah, sure,” she says. Before I can hang up she asks, “Are you feeling ok Laney?”

I blanch and clear my throat, “Um, yeah. Why would you ask that?”

“You just sound horse, I guess. Could you be coming down with something? That could be why you forgot to set and alarm and slept so late,” she says concerned. 

I swallow and think for a second. “Um, yeah, maybe. That could be it. I do have a bit of a headache,” I say. Its not a completely lie. I do have a headache but I’m pretty sure it’s from crying so hard for so long last night and not from a bug. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. I’ll see you soon,” I hurry to get out before she asks anymore questions. I say goodbye and hang up. I have to get myself together before I see the kids. I take a few deep breathes to try and collect myself. I look around and see the flowers and candles everywhere. Fuck. I look closer and see the candles were blown out, not left to burn all night. He must have done that before he left last night. My knees give again and I fall to the floor. I can feel a sob trying to make its way up and out my throat but I hold it in. I can’t fall apart again, not right now. I need to get dressed and go get the kids. I can deal with this mess when I get back. The mess that I’ve created. I have to fix it. Only I’m not sure I can.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. I will do a short epilogue and then it is over. I have a squeal in mind and one person has said they are interested. Anyone else? Let me know in the comments.   
> All mistakes are mine. I wrote this late and edited it on little sleep so there are probably a lot. I really need a beta. Anyhoo. I hope you enjoy!  
> Lemon Warning -JY- before and after if you don't want to read it.

I some how make it through Tuesday morning. I pick up the kids and when we get home they ask a million questions about all the flowers. I tell them a friend sent them when they heard I wasn’t feeling well. I hate to lie to them but there isn’t really any other option, the truth isn’t something they would understand. I have them help me carry them all upstairs to my room. I feel like I’m punishing myself by doing it but I can’t get rid of them just yet.

 

After that I change the subject to their time at Six Flags and the Kolby’s. They spend the rest of the morning telling me about all the roller coasters they went on, the food they ate and the games they played with Chris and Makayla.

 

By the time we are done moving all the flowers I barely have time to take a shower and get ready for work. I text my mother to ask if she can pick the kids up, I was suppose to drop them off but since I woke up late I’m running behind. She arrives as I’m ready to walk out the door.

 

It has begun raining as I drive to work and it feels fitting. By the time I am parked at the office its pouring and I have to run inside to try and avoid getting drenched, it doesn’t work. I spend the next four and a half hours cold while the instructor explains the new software. I take tons of notes and don’t let my mind wonder.

 

It’s still pouring when I leave so I have to drive slower than usual on the drive home. When I turn down my street I slam on the brakes. Thankfully I was going slowly or I’d have probably skidded into a mailbox or parked car. Shawn’s Jeep is on the curb in front of my house and my mother’s car is in the drive way. I vaguely remember getting a text from her earlier saying her and the kids would be at the house having dinner but I wasn’t expecting to come home to him as well.

 

I take a few deep breathes before I can let off the brake and drive down the street to my home. I put my car in park and let it idle for a minute before I turn it off and climb out. I run to the door and place my hand on the knob but I can’t seem to turn it. I let my head fall and rest my forehead against the door. I can feel the rain, being blown by the wind, soak my clothes and hair but I can’t go in yet. I stay like that for a few minutes before I stand up straight and turn the handle.

 

I slowly push the door open and walk in. I can hear my children’s sweet laughter coming from the kitchen. Then my mother joins them. Normally I would smile at the sound but I know it’s probably Shawn’s doing. I close the door quietly behind me softly and stand there dripping. I’m not sure what I should do now. I really need to dry off but I can’t move. I start to shiver and my teeth begin to chatter.

 

“There you are!” I look up and see my mom coming toward me from the kitchen. I try my best to smile at her but I’m not sure it works. “You are soaking wet dear! Go upstairs and dry off. Dinner is almost done,” she says as she comes up to me.

 

“Ok,” I whisper.

 

“What is it honey?” she asks and brushes my hair off my face. I smile weakly at her and enjoy her affection for a second.

 

Shaking my head I reply, “It’s nothing mom, just a long day.”

 

She frowns at me. “Are you sure? You look tired. Are you coming down with something?” she asks and presses the back of her hand to my clammy forehead.

 

I shake my head and brush her hand off. “I’m fine mom,” I say and look down. “I’m going to go change,” I say.

 

She nods at me and says, “Ok, but there is a young man here and he says he needs to talk to you. The kids said he did some work on the house. I wasn’t sure if I should let him in or not but he said it was urgent.” I nod my head and she turns back to go back in the kitchen.

 

I quickly drop my things and slip off my shoes. I hurry upstairs and collect clothes before I go in the bathroom to dry off and change. I pull on some sweats, a t-shirt and a hoodie. I’m cold to my bones and I know it’s not from being wet for so long. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold all my pieces together before I head back downstairs.

 

The first thing I see when I walk into the kitchen is him. He is sitting at the table playing cards with the kids. He looks up at me smiles sadly.

 

“Hey,” I offer weakly.

 

“Hey.”

 

The kids turn to me and say hi before turning back to their game. I ask my mom if she needs any help but she tells me she has it. I stand there awkwardly for a second, staring at the floor before Shawn stands. “Can we talk for a minute?” he asks.

 

I nod and turn back to the living room. I can hear him following me and when I sit down on the couch he sits right next to me. I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them.

 

“Could you at least look at me Laney?” he asks from my left. I shake my head but turn to look at him anyway. He’s eyes have dark circles under them and they’ve seemed to have lost some of their light. I frown and hug my legs tighter to keep from touching his face. “Laney, I don’t know what happened last night after we,” he stops and looks back at the kitchen before he continues on, “after. I thought we were finally moving past your insecurities but then you shut down on me.”

 

I turn my head back to my legs and let my forehead fall to my knees. “That’s just it Shawn. I can’t,” I try to explain. I pick my head back up and look at him. I look between his eyes and see his frustration and confusion and I know now is the time. I can’t keep dragging this out. I knew the whole time I shouldn’t be but I couldn’t resist him. I have to own up now and put both of us out of our misery. “I can’t see you anymore,” I say as firmly as I can.

 

He is still for a minute while he processes what I’ve said. Then he frowns. “Why? Why Laney? I don’t understand. Why would you sleep with me to only break up with me the next day? That doesn’t make sense. That’s not like you at all,” he rambles.

 

I look back down at my knees and swallow. “How would you know? You hardly know me,” I say meanly.

 

“I know you Laney. You are just trying to be cruel so I’ll stop trying to get you to see what we have. I know you feel the same way I feel. Stop lying to me,” he says angrily. He leans back on the couch and pressed his palms into his eyes. “Fuck, Laney. Why can’t you see I love you?” he whisper yells.

 

I gasp and look up at him. Shit, this isn’t how this was supposed to go. “No you don’t,” I tell him as calmly as I can. “You can’t love someone you’ve only known for two weeks. We don’t know anything about each other, how can you love me?”

 

He sits up and leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, letting his head hangs between his shoulders. “Don’t tell me what I feel or don’t feel. I love you. I’ve loved you from the second our lips touched. It’s not my fault you can’t get over yourself and see that. We belong together but you’ve fought me tooth and nail the whole way and I’m not sure how much more fight I have left.”

 

Tears start to run down my cheeks. “There isn’t anything to fight for Shawn. We don’t work. And that’s my fault but we aren’t supposed to be together. I’m sorry I’ve lead you on this long. I should have put a stop to it after that first kiss,” I say as I put my feet back on the floor and wrap my arms around my middle. I can feel the cracks in my heart fracturing further and I’m scared if I don’t hold on tight it will break completely.

 

Shawn turns toward me and grabs ahold of my arms to turn me toward him. “Are you kidding me?” he asks mad. “You are seriously going to just throw this away because of, because of what Laney? Age difference? What others will think? Because you’re scared?” he shouts. I can see a tear fall down his cheek and I let one hand come up to cup his cheek and I swipe at the trail it’s left.

 

“Yes,” is all I can say. “I’m sorry.”

 

He shakes my hand off his face and let’s go of me. “What about what I want? You are so willing to just throw me away?” He brings his hands up and covers his face. “I’m in love with you,” he says into his hands.

 

“I’m not throwing you away Shawn. I’m just breaking up with you,” I tell him.

 

He drops his hands into his lap and picks at his nails. Quietly he asks, “Did you mean anything you said last night?”

 

“Does it really matter? It doesn’t change the fact that this is over,” I say.

 

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I can hear my kids and mom in the kitchen, talking and probably eating dinner. I stand up and turn toward Shawn but don’t look at him. I stare at the carpet in front of his feet and say, “You should go.”

 

He stands up in front of me and starts to reach out to touch me but stops at the last second. I look up at his chest and let my tears fall. I finally find the courage to look up at him and he looks brokenhearted. I want nothing more than to comfort him so I do. It will be my last chance to touch him so I’m doing what I do best, I’m being selfish. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face into his chest. I’m not surprised when he doesn’t hug me back. I cry into his shirt for a few seconds before I pull away. I go to take a step away from him but he grabs my hand. His other hand comes up to my face and he uses his fingers push upward on my chin.

 

“Come to open mic night again tomorrow,” he asks hesitantly. “Please. Just come and after if you still feel the same after we’ll go our separate ways.”

 

I search for what it is he thinks will happen if I go in his eyes but I can’t find it. I nod and he kisses my forehead. He lets his lips linger on for a minute then pulls away. He lets go of my hand and walks away.

 

The door shuts softly and I fall to the couch. I dig my face into the cushion beneath me and sob. It’s not long before I feel my mother beside me. She rubs my back and tells me everything will be ok. I eventually cry myself to sleep.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My mother wakes me around seven and tells me she packed the kids some stuff and is taking them home with her. I tell her she doesn’t need to do that but she insists. I finally give in and thank her. The kids creep toward me slowly until I smile at them. The both run and jump at me, teary eyed and ask if I’m ok. I chuckle hoarsely and tell them I’m fine. They leave five minutes later and I’m left once again in my empty house.

 

I somehow manage to get a couple bottles of water and make it upstairs to my room. The second I enter I regret it. There are flowers everywhere reminding me of him. I put my water down and crawl into bed. I inhale and the scent of him instantly engulfs me. I try to slow my racing heart but there isn’t any use. I clutch to my pillow and cry myself to sleep for the third time in a roll.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Wednesday I walk around in a fog. I text Ethan and let him know he can pick the kids up from my parent’s house when he gets off work. I call and check on the kids and my dad answers. He asks if everything is ok and I do my best to assure him that I’m fine. He hands my mother the phone and she demands to know who Shawn is and why I was so upset after he left. I give her a very brief summary and then don’t say anything else. I tell her I’ll be ok in a few days and thankfully she lets it go. After that I do some cleaning around the house until I have to go to work.

 

At work I give the instructor my full attention and then when we move to our computers to do some exercises, I throw myself into it and help others after I’ve mastered the basics of the software. Right at five thirty everyone packs up and I head home.

 

At home I get leftovers out of the refrigerator and eat them cold. Every bite settles in my stomach like a rock. I push it away and go into the living room. I turn on the TV and stare at it. My phone starts to ring and I look down at it. It’s lying beside me on the couch and I can’t even remember picking it up. I see Page’s pretty face smiling up at me and I hit the ignore button. I know I’ll eventually tell her but I’m not ready yet. A minute later I get a text.

 

_Hey, I called your house yesterday and your mom answered. Said you got into a fight with Shawn. What’s going on? Are you ok?_

I pick my phone up and text her back.

 

_I’m fine. I’ll tell you all about it but not now. I can’t right now. Sorry._

I get one more text.

 

_Ok. Just remember I’m here if you need me before that. Love you!_

 

I smile at my phone and relock it.

 

I still have a couple hours until I have to be at the bar for open mic night so I decide to take a bath. I make it upstairs and fill the tub with hot water and some citrus bath oils. I pull all my clothing off and slide in.

 

All day I’ve avoided thinking about Shawn but now that the air around me is still and quiet I can’t think about anything else. The tears start again and I don’t try to stop them. It hurts too much to stop. I should have never let it go as far as I did and now I’m suffering for my own mistakes. No, nothing that happened was a mistake. It just shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I lie in the tub and cry until the water gets cold. I drag myself out and dry off. I dry my hair but lay it dry flat. I apply the minimally amount of makeup I feel like I can get away with for going to a bar and then get dressed. I pull on a pair of black leggings, a short, lacey, black shift dress Page talked me into buy on our recent shopping trip and some ankle boots.

 

Soon I’m in my car and driving to the bar. It’s nine forty five when I walk in. I don’t see any need to hide tonight so I go straight to the bar. It’s just as crowded as last week but I am able to find a stool. I sit and wait for the bartender to come over and I order a vodka and sprite.

 

As he places it in front of me I hear Shawn’s voice. “Hi, my name is Shawn Mendes and I’m going to play a few songs for you tonight.” He sounds sad and I don’t have it in my heart to turn and look at him. “The first song is ‘Stay’ by Rihanna.”

 

I pick up my drink and down it in a few gulps as he starts to play his guitar. He strums the strings and I feel like he plucking at my heart strings. The bartender comes over and asks if I want another. I nod and listen as he starts to sing. His voice is so raw and sincere that it brings tears to my eyes. I’m so sick of crying but I don’t know how to stop it. When he sings the chorus I feel like he is right next to me, singing right into my ear, just for me. My next drink is set in front of me and I pick it up. I twirl the glass around in my hands and stare at it. I feel like I should leave but I can’t.  The song ends as softly as it started and the bar applauds.

 

I smile. This is what he is meant to do, sing and entertain. “The next song is ‘Say Something’ by A Great Big World. I um, I know these are songs are a little slow but I really need someone to hear this. So bare with me,” he says before he starts playing again.

 

As Shawn is baring his soul to me and the people filling this bar I hear a voice to my right say his name. I look over and see short black dress sitting on the other side of the guy next to me. She’s wearing an equally as short dress tonight as last Wednesday, but this time it’s white and has a bunch of cutouts, revealing a ton of skin in small increments. Next to her is a girl I’m not sure I’ve seen before. “He was so sad at Sarah’s party. He kept going on and on about some girl to Tyler. He wouldn’t shut up about how beautiful she was or how great her kids were. Can you believe it? Fucking kids! Not singular, plural! When he started talking about how in love he was with her I had walked away. I couldn’t listen anymore. And then Ty calls and says he is doing open mic again so I came. You should have seen him a minute ago. It looks like his been crying all day or something. I tried to get him to talk but he just walked away. It’s kind of pathetic really. I don’t who this girl is but she’s a real bitch for doing such a number on him. And stupid too. If I could get my hands on him I’d never let go.”

 

I turn and look at him. His eyes are closed and his voice is the most soulful I’ve ever heard it. I’m about to look away when he opens his eyes and they lock with mine.

 

“ _And I will swallow my pride_

_You're the one that I want_ _  
And I'm saying goodbye_ ”

 

I turn back around and feel a tear roll down my cheek. I finish my drink and pull out some money from my purse. I don’t even check how much it is before I throw it down on the bar and get up.

 

I’m half way to the door when he finishes. Everyone applauds again but he doesn’t wait for them to stop before he starts talking again. I’m pushing the door open and he says, “Laney, please.”

 

I stop with my hand on the door. My head is hanging down and I wait. “This next song I wrote. It took a while but in the last couple of days it just came together. My friend Devon is going to play keys for me.”

 

I turn back around and take a few steps back before I stop. I can’t look up yet though.

 

“I hope this helps you understand everything I couldn’t seem to say right,” he says before the music starts. It’s slow and soft. He starts singing and I look up at him. His eyes are closed and the words hit me like a brick.

 

_You say it's not supposed to be_  
Tell me not to waste my time  
This was never up to me  
But if it was I wouldn't mind  
And I'm trying to ignore you  
I try to go on with my day, hey  
But I still pick up the phone, yeah  
And get lost in what she say

_I can try to stop it, all I like_  
Hands down I've lost this fight  
Thought I was strong, enough for you  
But I just can't hide the truth  
So I guess I'm going down  
I guess I'm going down, like this

_And I love it how she's honest_  
You don't find that nowadays  
She's not even drop dead gorgeous  
But she kills me anyway, oh

_I can try to stop it, all I like_  
Hands down I've lost this fight  
Thought I was strong, enough for you  
But I just can't hide the truth

_I guess I'm going down_  
I guess I'm going down  
I guess I'm going down like this

_I can try to stop it, all I like_  
Hands down I've lost this fight  
Thought I was strong, enough for you  
But I just can't hide the truth  
I can try to stop it, all I like  
Hands down I've lost this fight  
And I thought I was strong, enough for you  
But I just can't hide the truth  
So I guess I'm going down, like this

 

 

For the entire song I just watch him. I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as him singing before. He puts everything he can into it, everything he has. The words make my heart swell. And I just let the tears fall. On the last line he opens his eyes and looks at me. A small smile plays across his lips and I frown. Before the music stops I spin around and run out into the rain. It would be raining again. I tilt my head up and let the rain wash away my tears. I stand there for a full minute before I bring my face back down and turn to find my car.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I’m walking in the house, dripping wet yet again, and my phone rings followed by a loud crash of thunder. I dig it out of my bag and see its Page. There is no way. I drop it and my bag on the floor. I begin to peel my wet clothes off right where I stand. My dress falls to the floor when lighting flashes outside lighting up the sky. I’m bent over pulling my leggings off my feet when there is a knock at the door. I stand up and turn around to look through the peephole. I let my forehead fall to the door and groan. I push my wet clothes out of the way with my foot and open the door, not caring that I’m in my bra and panties.

 

“What are you doing here?” I ask him.

 

His head is bent down and water is pouring off his hair and landing at his feet. There is another flash of lighting across the sky and then a crash. I can see him swallow before his eyes come up. They slowly trail up from my feet to my eyes. I can feel it burn a path across my skin as if he has touched instead of just looked at me. When his eyes meet mine I gulp. There is a hunger in his eyes I’ve only recently seen before. My pussy throbs with need I know only he can fill.

 

**-JY-**

 

Our bodies collide, hands clinging, mouths devouring in an instant. He pushes me back and slams the door shut. We stumble over my wet clothes on the floor but manage not to fall. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands in his hair. He pauses for a second and I hear his shoes hit the floor with a soft thud as the sky outside rumbles. Our teeth clash against each others as he starts walking again. Before we make it to the stairs he puts me down and I reach down for his shirt. I pull my lips from his and yank it up and over his head. His hands beat mine to his belt. He has it open and his pants undo while I push at the waist band. He bends over at the waist to rid himself of the hindrance and I unclasp my bra. I let it drop as he steps out of his wet jeans. I push my panties down my legs and lighting lights up the dark room so I can see him pull off his boxer briefs and socks. I kick my panties away and his hands are back on me. He wraps one arm around my back pulling me flush against him and the other brings his hand up into my hair. I moan in his mouth as he tries to consume me. His skin sears against mine and I clutch at his arms. I slide my hand over his arm and pull at his wrist so the hand in my hair lets go. I lace my fingers in between his and let them fall to our side. I pull my lips away from him, turn and start up the stairs. He places his other hand on my hip and follows me upstairs to my room.

 

Lighting seems to strike right outside my bedroom window when we walk through the door and his hands tighten around my hip and fingers and thunder shakes the house. The flowers he got me are covering every available surface making my room feel small but cozy. I continue over to the bed with him right on my heels. Before I can lie down he wraps his arms around my stomach and languorously kisses the side of my neck. I bring a hand up to cover his over my stomach and the other goes up to his hair. I tilt my head to the side to give him better access. He trails one hand up to cup my breast. He brushes his fingers over my nipple and a moan escapes me. I arch my back and I feel his erection on my lower back. I pull my hand from his hair and intertwined mine with his against my stomach. I reach behind me with my other hand to grip his thigh. I let it glide up and bend my elbow so I can reach him. I wrap my fingers around his member and try to stroke him but it’s an awkward angle and I can’t quite do it. Instead I let me fingers squeeze and caress his hardness. He groans into the junction between my neck and shoulder before he pulls his hands away from me. He tugs on my hand so that I let go of him and turns me around.

 

Before I can attempt to kiss him again he drops to his knees. His hands come up to my thighs where he softly caresses me before he pushes me back so I’m half way seated on the bed.  He kisses right above my belly button before he takes a lick at it. One of his hands slips down the back of my leg to my knee where he grips and lifts it up and over his shoulder. My hands are like magnets and thread through his hair and his mouth goes to my core. He takes long lapping taste of me before he picks up my other leg and pushes it back on the bed, spreading me open before him. His tongue plunges into my soaking opening and I pull at his hair and press myself against him. He brings his hand around the leg on his should and presses his forearm down across my pelvis to hold me still. The other hand comes up and runs over my pussy before he pushes two fingers into me. His lips wrap around my throbbing clit and he sucks. I let go of his hair and lean back on my elbows. Lighting flashes and I see him looking up at me over his arm. The sight of him buried between my legs cause another rush of pleasure through me and I let my head fall back. I moan and try to push my hips forward but he holds me down. His fingers curve up and I fly off the bed. I’m leaning back on my extended arms, panting at the ceiling as I succumb to a powerful orgasm.

 

I fall back and I feel Shawn finally release my clit as his fingers slide out of me. He kisses me on the thigh then stands up. I watch as he crawls on to the bed over me and push my body back so that I’m in the middle of it. He follows like he always does. I settle back and he lies down on top of me. His arms cradle me and I wrap my arms around him. I let my finger tips drag across the skin on his back and I feel his muscles ripple beneath. He lowers his head to capture my lips again. I can taste myself mixed with his unique taste and I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to the combined flavors now. I see another flash of lighting behind me eyes as I feel him push his cock between my pussy lips. He is immediately coated in by my wetness and glides easily over me. The new sensation causes us both to moan. I clinch my thighs around his hips and he pushes forward. I feel him at my entrance and I pull away. I look up at him and try to get wiggle out from under him but he won’t let me go.   
  
“Condom?” I ask. I realize it’s the first words I’ve uttered since he stepped into the house.

 

“Do we need it?” he questions me. I know he is asking more than that. It only takes me a second to decide, no we don’t. I shake my head and he pushes forward.

 

My eyes fall shut and he pushes up on his hands so he can look down at our joined bodies. I sit up on my elbows and look as well. It’s one of the most erotic things I’ve ever seen. We watch as he pulls out almost to the tip and then surges forward again. It’s all I can take and I fall back to the bed. He pumps in and out over and over, taking his sweet time. I reach for him and run my fingers over his chest. I scrap my fingernails across his nipples and he hisses. I arch my back as the pleasure starts to peak but he refuses to speed up no matter how much I thrust my hips up to meet his. It’s driving me crazy.

 

“Shawn, please,” I beg. He looks back up at me, like his been in a daze and pulls out. I whimper and he sits back.

 

He pulls me up with him and says, “Turn around and get on your knees.” My pussy clenches at his dominance and I quickly get up and turn around. I get on to all fours in front of him and turn to look at him over my shoulder. He shakes his head and says, “No, scoot forward and put your hands against the headboard.” I clench again and do as he says.

 

Once I’m in position he comes up behind me. “Spread you knees,” he whispers in my ear and my back arches without consent. I push my knees further apart and one of his hands lands on my hip. I feel his cock at my entrance again and I push back, engulfing him. We both moan out. His hand comes around and starts to pull at my nipple as he starts thrust up into me. I can’t keep the sounds from coming out, moans, pants, groans, and I let my head fall back to his shoulder. His lips sear across my shoulder and neck as the hand on my hip slides down over my hipbone and down to push its way through my curls to circle my clit making me fall over the edge I didn’t know I was at yet. He doesn’t stop, he speeds up and another orgasm rips through me. He is wild as he continues to manipulate my body to his will. He spreads his fingers between my breast to press me back against him and I feel his heart beneath his chest, slick with sweat, trying to burst from his rib cage as mine is trying to take flight beneath his hand.

 

He slows when my walls that are pulsing around him start to flutter again. He eases up on my swollen clit and lets his forehead fall to my shoulder. He wraps his arms around me again and pulls me back as he sits back on his heels. We are connected from our shoulders down and it doesn’t feel like enough. I reach back over my shoulder to place my hand on the back of his head. I tug on his hair and pull his head down so I can kiss him again. I lift my hips a little as our tongues twist together. I slide back down on him and I’m about to lift up again when he pulls away from me.

 

“Lie down,” he says softly. He’s mood changes are giving me whiplash but I’d do anything he says right now.

 

I lie down and he lies back down between my legs. He slowly enters me again as our lips meet. We kiss passionately while wrapping ourselves around each other. He starts a slow pace again. I’m so sensitive now that it doesn’t take much before I’m quivering around him. Our kiss has ended but we keep our lips connected. I open my eyes and see he is looking at me. I can see vulnerability there and it pulls a gasp from me lips. He starts to say, “Laney, I,” but I can’t hear it right now. I press my lips back to his and swallow whatever it is he was going to say. He whimpers against me and I swallow that too.

 

I know he is close when his hips start to falter. He speeds up and my pussy clenches down on him. He pulls his mouth from mine and moans into my shoulder as he releases inside me. He slows as he comes down and I relish every single stroke.

 

**-JY-**

 

When he finally comes to a stop I look up at him to see a single tear slip down his cheek. I frown at him and wipe it away. We pull away from each other and without a word we slip under the covers on my bed. We lie facing each other, one of his arms under my head the other wrapped around me middle and my hands are pressed against his chest. Our legs are intertwined and we simple gaze at each other until our eyes can’t stay open anymore.

 

*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I wake up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like This by Shawn Mendes, Written by Shawn Mendes / Laleh Pourkarim / Gustaf Egil Thorn  
> Say Something by A Great Big World, Written by Chad Vaccarino / Ian Axel / Mike Campbell


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it. I struggled with writing this. I have no idea why but it took way longer than it should have considering how short it is. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy!

After our last night together I didn’t think I’d ever see Shawn again. I thought since we had ended our relationship he would want nothing to do with me. And for the most part that was true. But he still came around every now and then, to see the kids. He took them to his house to go swimming, to the park and out for ice cream. I even asked him to babysit once when I had to go into the office un-expectantly when the new software crashed and no one else could watch the kids. We were always very friendly but kept our distance as much as possible. On the rare occasion that he played with the kids at our house, I did my best to keep my eyes away from him but I would catch him looking at me thoughtfully. He usually made an excuse to leave not long after, promising the kids he would be back.

 

I didn’t really let myself feel anything about our separation but late at night I would get on Facebook where videos of his open mic nights had started popping up on my newsfeed. Almost everyone I knew was sharing the videos. Over the next month he seemed to gain a small fan base and new videos would appear every Wednesday night. I thought about going to see him play myself but knew it would be too much so I let the idea fizzle. Instead I’d sit alone in my dark room and smile through my tears as he sang his heart out while playing his guitar and sometimes the keyboard. I always felt like it wouldn’t be long before he was discovered and everyone would know who Shawn Mendes was.

 

He returned to school after that and we didn’t see much of him. I still saw the occasional video shared, occasionally new ones. And he called at least once a month to talk to Holly and Hilton, sometime more.

 

I eventually told Page everything. She was more understanding than I had original thought she would be. I’m sure it’s because it was over and done with and not because she was ok with the whole situation. I nearly had a nervous breakdown after telling her. It brought everything back up and I spent days in my room crying. I didn’t eat and the only time I slept was when my body shut down. My mother took the kids during the day and Ethan had them at night for over a week. I finally snapped out of it when I heard Holly crying down the hall that she wanted her mommy. I had to move on. Later I would realize just how much I had buried after Shawn left me alone in bed, thanks to my therapist.

 

I’d been in therapy for a few months when the kids brought it to my attention, something big was happening for him. It was just after Easter. He had called during the afternoon and talked to the kids for a minute before he had to go. They said he would call back later but had to run to catch his plane. I just figured he was going back to school. That night the kids came running to me while I was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner holding their tablet. It was a YouTube video, his YouTube video. It had almost a million hits and thousands of comments. I scrolled them and saw congratulations on his new EP and upcoming tour. I hadn’t smiled that big since I had been with him. He had made it. I knew he would. He had the talent and the voice to do big things. And the fact that he stayed in contact with my kids even after we had ended our relationship told me that he was still the same man I had fallen in love with, the man I still loved.

 

While it was still painful to think on for too long, I knew that what we had had been real. Even though I had put my heart through hell, it had been worth loving him. I knew I’d never completely stop, that would be like not breathing. All I can do is keep breathing, keep living, and hope that one day it doesn’t hurt as much. He would always be it for me. Just him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sequel is already underway. It's still in the early stages so I'm not sure exactly when I will be posting it. It's taken on a life of its own and I'm really exited about it. I hope everyone that enjoyed this will be back for that. Thank you to everyone that left Kudos and commented. I really appreciate all of you! You make this small fan fiction writer feel special. Much love!


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